SATURDAY STORY - NOVEMBER 28, 2020

 Saturday Story - November 28, 2020

Prior to today’s story: (from November 7th story)

Rhonda Jenkins and Carrie Parnske were sisters.  Rhonda is three years older than Carrie.  

Their mother, Barb, is my neighbor.  And, Barb put me in a corner and coerced me to see if I could get the two sisters to talk to each other.  Barb would love to have the family together for Christmas, but if Rhonda knows that Carrie will be there, she will back off; and likewise, if Carrie knows that Rhonda will be there, she will find an excuse to celebrate Christmas earlier or later - but not with her sister.

Rhonda was 43-years-old and married to Ryan, who is a Certified Public Accountant (CPA).  They have two children, Arden, age 12, and Trisha, age 9.  They live in a quiet, upscale neighborhood along the North San Gabriel River in Georgetown Texas.  And, like most of their neighbors, they are white, well educated, Christian (or, they go to church weekly), conservative and voted for Donald Trump.  She also voted for all Republican candidates - except for sheriff - where the incumbent Republican was running but has been indicted on excessive force charges in the arrest and death of a black young man. In that contest, she didn’t vote for anybody (she just “couldn’t vote for a Democrat).  Rhonda works part-time in a church-based food pantry, and she was a stay-at-home mom while Arden and Trisha were young.

Carrie is a 39-year-old Human Resources assistant for a major insurance company in San Antonio.  She and her husband, Geoff, have a three-year-old, Gina.  Gina was born about two months early and is kind of a miracle child as she stayed in the Neonatal Care area until she was ready to go home.  Carrie drops Gina off at daycare on her way to her office.  

And, unlike her sister, she voted for Biden and pretty much all Democratic candidates.  She has been to rallies for women’s rights (including choosing abortion, LGBTQ, and gender choices), and rarely go to church.

AND … these two sisters have not talked to each other in three years. 

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Today’s Story - working towards reconciliation

I had talked with Rhonda and Carrie - separately.  

They each had said they admired their sister - but each has also drawn a hard-and-fast wall between them.  

I had told Barb, their mother, how I would try to talk with them - to try to get them to come together for Christmas.

I had asked Rhonda to make the first step.  

I remembered those words from two weeks ago:

***

I again asked “Can you make the first step?  Can you send a note, a card, a letter, a text to Carrie?”

“It doesn’t have to be much,” I said.  “Maybe something like ‘Carrie, I love you and I’ve been stubborn and wrong.  I do want you in my life.’  You aren’t quite saying I apologize, but you really are saying that.  If you do love your sister (and your mother), you need to make an effort before your mother is dead and gone and you two are estranged for the rest of your life.”

I paused “Rhonda, I am a counselor - and counselors listen - but this time, I’m crossing a boundary - you need to step out here.”

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That was then.  Did I put a spark in their hearts?  Could these two sisters who grew up together overcome their differences and join their parents for Christmas?  

Did I put myself in an impossible situation?  (I thought I was a good counselor, but I definitely am not God and not perfect)!!

After talking to both girls, Barb wanted to know if I had made the girls reconcile.  I smiled at Barb’s confidence in my skills.  

I chuckled a little and answered “Barb, I spoke to your daughters.  They each indicated they loved their sister, but that they still didn’t want to be in the same house with each other.  I’m going to visit with them again.”

***

I talked with Rhonda first.  I had asked Rhonda to take the first step and I wanted to know how she came out.  

I set up an online meeting with her for the next day.

****

“Hello,” said Rhonda

“Hi Rhonda”, I answered.  “How are you?  This is Karen.  Is this a good time to talk?”

I could almost hear Rhonda relaxing at hearing my voice.  

“Hi Karen, I’m doing well.  Did you have a good Thanksgiving?”

We had a few minutes of chit-chat, and then I sensed we were ready to talk.

“So, Rhonda”, I started “Did you reach out to your sister?”

Rhonda started slowly.   “Yes, I tried to reach out to her.  I texted her and said that I love her and missed her and wanted to see if we could bridge the gap.”

“For the next day, I checked my phone about every fifteen minutes to see if she had texted me back.  She hadn’t.  But on the third day, I got a phone call from her.”

I waited patiently.  I wanted to say ‘And how did that turn out’, but I didn’t.  I thought this needed to be Rhonda’s story.

Rhonda continued “Actually it was pretty good.  Carrie and I talked for a few minutes about our kids.  Gina is such a special child after being in neonatal care for so long.  I really would like to see Carrie and Geoff, and hold this wonderful child, Gina.”

I was remembering that Gina was about three-years-old and was in neonatal care for a couple of anxious months.  

Rhonda said, “I broke the ice and said that Mom wanted us to come together for Christmas.” 

“It seemed like Carrie was agreeing.  Then the wheels came off, as they say.  She said something about Biden winning.  I don’t think it was throwing dirt in my face, but it hurt me.  I want to put that division behind me.  I must have sounded upset and Carrie must have caught the change in tone.  Shortly afterward she excused herself, something about Gina needed her for something.  I didn’t get a real ‘yes’ or ‘no’ out of her for gathering at my folk’s house for Christmas.”

I listened, but it seemed like Rhonda had stopped, so I picked up the cue. “You know, that the two of you do have some different values - especially politically.  Somehow you can’t let that issue keep you from loving each other.”

I heard Rhonda’s breathing.  “You know your mother wants to see both of you and your families.  It will be hard to swallow our pride and to put love in front of differences.”

(I didn’t want to preach, but sometimes there is a narrow edge between counseling and preaching).

Rhonda replied “I know.  I think I’ve allowed differences to speak louder than agreements.” 

I nodded (since it was an online video call, I wanted to affirm Rhonda with my body language).  

“Rhonda”, I said.  “I’m going to call your sister tonight.  I’m going to tell her that you love her and that you want to be reconciled.  Is that okay?”

On-screen, Rhonda nodded ‘yes’ and said “yes, that will be okay”.  

Rhonda then added, “Karen, I am going to try to honor and respect her, I’m not going to take comments personally.  I really want to make up”.

I replied, “Rhonda, that’s about all we can hope for.  Keep praying”.

****

My call to Carrie was about the same.  We started with some chit-chat.  Since it was online, she called Gina over to say ‘hi’.  She seemed like a happy three-year-old girl.  

We did get to the reason for the call fairly quickly.

I started, “Carrie, you know why I’m calling.”

I could see her nodding.  “You Mom really wants you to get along and to have the family together.”  Again, a big nod.  “So, what do you think?  Can you see fit to make it work out?”

Carrie answered, “I did have a nice chat with Rhonda, and she said she loves me, and I said I love her.”  

I sensed there was more.

Carrie started slowly.  “I am a bit impatient and (ahh) headstrong.  I’m going to try to temper my comments.  I’m going to think before talking.  The past is past, and blood is thicker than water.”

“Great attitude”, I replied.  “Anything else?”

I could see her drawing her breath.  “I’m going to talk to Geoff to cool it as well.  I know he and Ryan don’t always see eye-to-eye and I love Geoff, but this is going to be like a showdown and I’m going to do my best.”

I had thought of the two husbands, and while this was a reconciliation of the two sisters, they were married women, their spouses were now part of their life.  And, if the two of them crossed each other, it could knock the entire process down.  

I was musing out loud, “Carrie, I’m just thinking of that.  Is there a way you could get to Georgetown a day early with just Gina and you, your Mom and Rhonda could have a day together without Ryan and Geoff?”  

She thought about that.  

She answered, “Well, Geoff could stop and see his folks in San Marcos for a day. We have two cars and both of us are off work by the 23rd.  Gina and I could go to Mom’s house a day early.  And, again, I’d remind Geoff to be on his best behavior.”

As we closed, Carrie made a joke.  “If we are playing cards, I’ll try to be nice when we talk about which suit is trump”. (I understood she didn't want to talk about the outgoing President)

It seemed like things were lined up.  I knew I needed to pray for all of them.

*****

Reconciliation takes work.  Both Rhonda and Carrie will need to watch their tongues and work on hugs and positive statements.  I planned on dropping them a note before the gathering to encourage them.  

*****

Yes, this seems too easy, but it probably is going to have a few bumps.  If they can work at it, the Christmas gathering can be a success - but they will have to work on it - and not only Rhonda and Carrie, but the husbands too (Ryan and Geoff).  Having a day of just the family first might help the healing to start.

*****

What do you think?  Will this work

LOVE WINS!!!

HUGS!!!

Karen