Relationship Week - Making and keeping friends

 Relationship Week 

Tuesday, November 10, 2020

Making and keeping friends!!!

Okay, I wrote that I need to broaden my list of friends.  The following comes from Thursday, November 5, 2020 “Time to Heal II” (https://karens2019.blogspot.com/2020/11/time-to-heal-ii.html) 

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-5 Learn to love those of a different color, different heritages, different religious values, different sexual orientations, different gender orientations.

We are definitely in a “one size does NOT fit all” society.  Make a list of new friends you want to make.  

My list - I must have a good black friend.  My world is pretty white!!

I must have a good Muslim friend.  My world is pretty Christian (and Judeo-Christian)

I must have a good Asian friend.  My world is pretty euro-centric. 

I have some Hispanic friends, but I need to work more on that.

I should have some really gay friends.  

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So, how might I find such diverse friends?

Black friends:

I blew this a little (ouch).  Last spring, I wrote to Ruby, a Black Granny Basketball player, and asked if I could take her for coffee.  She didn’t reply - but I think my tone might have pressed her too much.  

I was reflecting on this last week.  We do have some black people at my church, but although we have been meeting I haven’t seen any of them lately.  

My friend Anne might be a good source.  I remember her talking with some Black Women at our Round Rock Senior Center Dances.  

Tamra, in my apartment complex, might know of a black friend (or others on that list).

I also have to watch my attitude.  I don’t want to come off as “Hey, I need a black friend, can you be mine?”  - as condescending, only wanting a black friend to meet some kind of ratio.  

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Muslim Friends:

I have several online (Facebook), Muslim friends.  I need to make the bridge and connection stronger.  And, it would be awesome to have a local Muslim friend.  I know one Muslim man (from the old domino group), but now well.  And, I think I would be better with a Muslim woman.  

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Asian Friend:

Fumiko is (or was) a friend. But, that was in the academic setting.  I need to reach out and work on that friendship.

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I do have some good Hispanic friends, but I need to work on deepening those relationships.

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I do have some good lesbian and transgender friends, but few local gay friends

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Deepening current relationships.

COVID has cut into relationships.  I am not playing bridge or Granny Basketball.  Our monthly Round Rock senior dances have stopped.

I do “coffee” with about eight current friends regularly.  To deepen those relationships I should

-1) Listen deeply.  I consider myself to be a good listener, but there are times when I miss something - or misunderstand something.  And, all-to-often, my brain is rushing to find a good response to the friend I am talking to - and I need to listen fully first - then work on a response!!

-2) Be empathic 

Beyond listening, I need to identify with the person.  What angst and fear is in their lives?  What is going on with them?  I need to really understand - more than the words - but also the emotions and body language. 

-3) Watch being defensive

If the person says something that challenges me, I need to let it pass.  They may have some judgments of me as a friend - where I let them down - where I said something that wasn’t very loving.

-4) Build trust

My friends need to know that they can trust me - I am not a gossip and will not talk about them behind their back.  And, we have to work on that trust between each other - the lowering of barriers.

-5) Enjoy your time together

I need to work on being ‘in the moment’ with my friends - not thinking about tomorrow’s activities or what I have to do today.  

If I want to have friends, I MUST be a friend to others.  I honestly love the friends I am with!!!  

Friendship is a form of LOVE - and LOVE WINS!!!

Hugs!!

Karen