Relationship Week - Making friends part II

 Relationship Week - Making friends part II

Wednesday, November 11, 2020

https://greatist.com/happiness/how-to-make-keep-friends#make-new-friends 

Making and keeping friends!!!

(First - Happy Veterans Day - to all veterans - families that had veterans - especially Bill Falen!!!)

Scenario - On October 29,2018 - now just a little over two years ago, I moved out of Leander Texas and into an apartment in Georgetown Texas.  I had no friends in Georgetown, and although I had my computer, it was going to be a new and challenging experience.

My first friend was my next-door neighbor (“B”).  

But, while “B” was my next-door neighbor and we talked, she wasn’t going to be a top “bosom” friend!!

I was still in the same church - and I had friends and activities there.  I had a weekly Stephen Ministry visit with a man who had lost his job at age 50 due to a heart attack.  While, he might have thought our weekly visits were for him, (shhh) - they really were for me.  We talked, we prayed, we talked more and we prayed more.  (And, I grew closer to my friend)

But, that didn’t help me in Georgetown.  Maybe there were other things I could do?

I found the “MeetUp” app and started to find activities there.  Unfortunately, most were in Austin which caused me to drive (about 45 minutes one way).  I found a “60 plus for fun” group that played canasta and I played with them three times.  I found the ALCH (don’t be scared) - Austin Lesbian Coffee House.  At age 71, I was pretty sure I was ‘asexual’ and I had been kicked out of my house for thinking about feminine changes.  So, I started going to coffee almost every Wednesday morning at the Central Market.  It was fun and they accepted me.

After New Years, I joined the Georgetown Recreation Center.  This center had programs for seniors, and I joined the Thursday Domino group.  It was also fun, although dominos weren’t that interesting for me.  They also got donuts every week.  So, I would go to dominos, play a couple of sets, eat maybe two donuts (and sometimes three or four - ouch), and then would walk on the exercise track.  Nice people - and friendships.

Then I saw a sign for a beginning social bridge group and got involved with that group.  I liked bridge more than dominos as I had to think and play my cards appropriately.  It had been about thirty years since I last played, so I wasn’t a star in that group - but it was sometimes more social than challenging bridge!!  

*****

In college, when I was a resident hall director (aka - “dorm director”), when we were interviewing potential new resident assistants, we would ask how they would get a quiet student on the floor to become more active.  The most common answer was “take him out for a beer”.  Now, I would say “take them out for coffee”.  Even though I don’t always have “coffee”, going out for ‘coffee’ is a standard for me.  

To get a friend, you have to be a friend.  Two of my friends are ladies without cars that I have given rides to for the Faith in Action group.  Anymore, we talk and text frequently.  

To keep friends, (at least in my estimation) you need to have communication.  I regularly communicate with some of my blog readers.  There are so many ways to keep the communications open - email, phone calls, texts, Facebook, Facetime, Messenger, Twitter, and others.  

You have to care for the person - really care.  (Love Wins).  

It takes time to really develop a friendship.  A resource I looked at said about 200 hours to make a close connection.  

I think of my many friends from my teaching years.  I worked at Dakota State for 18 years - and my friends - (real friends) were there - (LMG, TF, JM, RR, EJ, and so many others); then 13 years at Quinnipiac - and my friends (real friends) were there (BS, RM, JK, and so many others).  I was at the University of Texas for three years, and I really didn’t make friends.  I think I was ‘cold’ - an outsider teaching some courses, (Adjuncts don’t really make friends).

I like the adage “Turtles only make progress by sticking out their necks”.  Here in Georgetown, I have worked on making some friends, and not so much on other friends.  Two of my best friends here I made by driving them to appointments through the Faith in Action team.  

Be persistent.  I have two friends from my four days at the Mental Hospital a year ago.  We bonded there - but we have not been together - except for one time - since then.  I heard from one of them that the other was having some difficulties.  I reached out to her by phone, but I really want to see her in person (and COVID or not - she needs a hug!!!)

How do you make friends?  Are most of your friend's joint friends with you and your spouse?  Are most of your good friends, ones that you have worked with, and have a gentle, easy-going relationship?  Have you lost a friend that you need to get back?

We’ll look more at this tomorrow as relationship week continues!!!

LOVE WINS!!

HUGS!!

Karen