Avoid Gray Divorce - part II

Avoiding a Gray Divorce - part II

https://www.therelationshipdoc.org/7-ways-to-prevent-a-gray-divorce/

I’m looking at an article about avoiding gray divorce (and wishing I had seen this four years ago - actually maybe twenty years ago).

Yesterday we covered four points:

-1 Find new interests

-2 Be best friends

-3 Little things make a big difference

-4 Have an active sex life

Today, let’s finish off the article

-5 From the article

“5. Of interest to note, Dr. Pillemer discovered that couples growing old together see each other as physically looking the same over the years – a great way to halt the aging process!

Study participants also endorsed the value of couples counseling. People who had been in previous marriages wished they had attended couples therapy prior to calling it quits. In hindsight, they realized how important it is to feel that you did everything you could to try to save the relationship. Lingering guilt or regret over “not trying hard enough” could likely have been avoided with some professional help.”

I’m quick to say “We tried counseling” - which we did - but with any counseling, you have to have “buy-in”.  Were we just checking the box on the divorce process that says “Did you try counseling”? Years ago we went to a Marriage Encounter weekend.  Out of that, we should have implemented the suggestions - but we didn’t. Am I to blame? Yes - both of us!!!

And the following finished the article:

“1. Each partner agrees to try one of their significant other’s hobbies, sports, or other interest that they haven’t previously participated in.

2. If suggestion #1 doesn’t apply or work out, decide on a new activity that interests both partners and learn about it together.

3. Focus on everyday little things that you appreciate about your partner. These “micro-interactions” create positive connections that can have quite a big impact and really add up
.

4. Surprise your partner with thoughtful gifts: perhaps that new tennis racket he or she has been eyeing, or tickets to something you could do together, such as a theater performance you know she’d enjoy, or a sporting event he’d like to attend.

5. Expand on #4 by scheduling a weekly date night. It can be something as simple as an evening stroll through the neighborhood, or as adventurous as taking that hot air balloon ride
you’ve heard about.

6. Regularly compliment your partner and show your appreciation for his or her presence in your life. Everyone wants and needs to feel that he or she is valued and loved.

7. Even if a couple has no particular problematic issues to deal with, attending a few couples counseling sessions can enhance or “tune-up” any relationship.

In summary, in order for a long-term relationship to flourish, it requires effort and an ongoing attentiveness. While there will undoubtedly be periods that are challenging and difficult, the end reward can definitely be worthwhile.”   

The last paragraph says it all “it requires effort and an ongoing attentiveness”.  Yes, we had drifted apart - but when two canoes drift apart, all it takes is a little oar stroke to get back together.  But, that takes effort. Maybe we were just not willing to try (and, by “we” in that sentence, I mean “me”).

To my friends - thank you for letting me take two days to look over a gray divorce.  I like the suggestions made by the author and I dare to suggest that all of us need to work more on our marriages!!

Hugs!!

Karen