Sex and Intimacy - part I

Staying in Love - Part II

https://kateborsato.com/2018/09/how-to-stay-in-love-with-your-partner/

Okay, this is going to be a tough write for me.  It is about sex.  

I grew up when talking about sex was taboo.  I knew little about sex going into marriage, and I

think my spouse knew even less!!!  I also suspect that for both of us, we had been subjected to

the teaching that “sex was dirty”.  I think we both somewhat subscribed to the concept that sex was primarily for creating new life.  

We never really talked about sex and intimacy.  (The Puritans had nothing on us!!!)

Now on the edge of a Gray Divorce, I rue that we didn’t understand sex and intimacy.  It might

have helped save our marriage.  Oh well,

Let’s look at the article:

INTIMACY

1. Start the day with a kiss

2. Always kiss goodnight

***** 

I knew little about kissing.  Yes, I liked to kiss, but I didn’t date in high school.  Nature had taught me about kissing in college (including fogging up our windows and having a cop interrupt our tryst!)   Kissing good morning?  My spouse would say she had bad breath.  Kiss goodnight?  In our last years together, I would go to bed an hour or two earlier than she would.

*****

3. Accept that sex isn’t always perfect 

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Perfect?  Rarely.  Excuse me for some private thoughts.  Men in deepest intimacy are (umm) “once and done”, while women can (umm) keep enjoying the pleasure for several climaxes.  I reached my climax fairly quickly while my spouse was not fulfilled at all.  If I knew then what I think I know now, I would have tried harder to make our intimacy valuable to both of us - and that we should have communicated much more about sex and intimacy.

*****

4. Actively create an interesting sex life rather than waiting for your partner to spice it up

5. Tell them exactly what you love about sex with them

6. Be brave and explain what you want them to do differently during sex

7. Openly talk about your sexual fantasies (starting slowly)

*****

Talking about sex?  That didn’t happen.  Talking about what turns me on - and what she liked about sex - again that didn’t happen.  

We were amateurs - and didn’t move much past that stage!!!

*****

8. Make a conscious decision to have sex rather than waiting for the passion to take over (because you might be waiting a long time!)

9. Send sexual text messages during the day

10. Schedule sex in your calendar

*****

It is a joke of comedians, that the best way to have a spouse get a headache is to suggest having sex.  I somehow thought that spontaneity was better than planning sex and intimacy.

*****

11. Flirt with them throughout the day

12. Dress yourself in a way that makes you feel confident and sexy around your partner

13. Try a 7-day intimacy-challenge

14. Hold hands a much as possible 

*****

So, I have been married for 45 years to my best friend.  I thought I was doing well, and I was lousy at intimacy.  To my spouse, I’m sorry!!!  

*****

Tomorrow – more from the original article

Hugs!!

Karen