Gray Divorce - part II

Gray Divorce - part II

https://www.mckinleyirvin.com/resources/gray-divorce/

Last week we talked of Valentine’s Day - with love quotes and even a quiz over popular music love songs.  I’m working towards a series on making marriage work, but first, spend some time looking at why marriages don’t work and especially at senior marriages that end up in Gray Divorce.

Let’s look at some of the negative issues:

• Retirement can be emotionally hard on people that have worked their whole lives.  This is probably more draining on the ‘breadwinner’ (normally the male) - where his work has been his life.  (It was so for me). I enjoyed work - I enjoyed being a Professor and getting the esteem of students and colleagues.
• Social Security - and especially money can be a problem.  Together my wife and I get a nice total in social security income - but if we divorce, I end up with over twice as much as she will get - mostly because I worked at higher-paying jobs (and there were the years where she took care of the family and didn’t have a paying job - but a very tough job.  The adage “A Man works from Sun to Sun, but a Woman’s work is never done” is true).
• Other income and spousal support also need to be considered.  I put away a good amount for retirement in what I think was a 401K plus the South Dakota Retirement System.  Does that get split in a divorce?
• What to do about other assets like houses and cars?  My wife has our fully paid for house (it is no longer our ‘home’) and the newer, nicer car.  I have a rented apartment. If you read these blogs, houses and cars are just “stuff”. I can’t take ‘stuff’ with me to heaven!!!  I have formally renounced all rights to the house - so, off the top of our estate, she is getting about 30% of our assets. That’s okay (really, that’s okay - so what!!)
• Health - guess what, I am going to die someday.  It might be ill health, or it might be an accident.  It might go quickly like a sudden heart attack or slow like a long lingering disease.  With my major illness three years ago, I (we) have kept the high-end of Medicare supplements.  I have friends that have the low-end of Medicare supplements and they pay for everything.  
• Competency - my mother lived to 98 and my father to 97.  So, I have longevity in my family. My wife’s mother lived to 85 but had dementia (or Alzheimer’s) for the last several years.  For my parents, my mother had macular degeneration and could barely see, and my father had dementia. Fortunately, my fantastic sister took care of them when their competencies slipped and helped with power of attorney and decision making
• So - how about long-term care?  Nursing homes are expensive. Assisted living facilities are also expensive (although not maybe as much as nursing homes)  Senior living facilities can have very nice amenities - and can be very expensive. Running out of money can be a problem!!!.  Financial planning to the rescue!!
• There are other issues - such as dealing with adult children and family issues
• Plus - what to do when the senior dies - who gets the ‘stuff’?

Divorce just might not be the right solution for some senior couples.  Financially, an estate is basically cut in half. Where a couple is sharing income, now that income is divided.  Where jointly two people had money at the end of the month, now with two households our money can be hard. (Aside, when my transmission died and I got a new transmission for $4,670 - that was a big hit on my finances.  My wife helped kick in funds to get me back on the road. And, I will help her if and when she needs help.)

Personally, I am happy, actually very happy - but I do believe that we could have worked harder at making our marriage work.

Tomorrow, we’ll look at making a marriage be successful.

Hugs!!!

Karen