Comparing / Jealousy - part II

Making Comparisons to others - part II

https://www.becomingminimalist.com/compare-less/

Comparisons are the thief of JOY!!!  (Teddy Roosevelt)

Comparisons lead to jealousy.  And jealousy is called the “green eyed monster” .  From Shakespeare Othello “Beware of jealousy, my lord! It's a green-eyed monster that makes fun of the victims it devours. “

We started this yesterday.  DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS - in a ‘I want what they have’ way!!

Let’s finish this part of the idea today!!!

-1 You have nothing to gain, but much to lose.

If you start to compare yourself to others, you can lose your perspective.  You start to think others are better than you.  You lose your pride in yourself - you think you have no value.  You can lose your dignity, your drive and your passion.

I mentioned that I am playing online chess with a friend during this quarantine.  I thought I was good and after losing something like eight-in-a-row to start, my ego was deflated, and I said to myself, “I’m no good.”  (Actually the first day where my friend “whooped” me pretty bad!!  He didn’t trash talk or talk down to me.  If anything he encouraged me - saying I was rusty.  I had to take a long walk after those first two drubbings.  I was okay.  Why was I upset?  Was my ego on the line?  He won fair and square.  

Fortunately, since that time, I’ve come back nicely.  I’ maybe winning 1/3rd of the games.  And, actually I’m having fun and learning how to play chess again!!!.

-2 There is no end to the possible number of comparisons. 
I know of people who get so involved in the comparison process - especially in the riches department - that they will do almost ANYTHING to show up ahead of others.  If a rich friend has two houses, they have to have three.  If a rich friend has a large boat, they have to have a larger boat.  They are so insecure that they “MUST” stay on top - even if it means cheating!!

Even if they have success - there will be something or someone else to focus on.  

(Yes, that “Green Eyed Monster” will eat your insides)!!!

-3 Comparison puts the focus on the wrong person.

I have written in this blog many times that there is only one person I can control - ME.  I have heard a speaker that, if we need to work on anything, I need to be the “best version of myself”.  

When we compare ourselves to others we waste our brain cells, our energy focusing on things we can’t change - rather than becoming that better version of myself!!!

-4 Comparisons often result in resentment – and resentment to jealousy – and jealousy to being “stupid”

If I compare myself to others, I can resent them.  While I don’t know the details between Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan from Olympic Ice Skating history, seemingly Tonya got tired of being ‘second best’ to Nancy and attempted to harm her.  Revenge, resentment took over Tonya’s brain as she developed a real hatred of Nancy

_5  The opening quote by Teddy Roosevelt was that “Comparisons deprive us of joy.  

I needed to be happy in who I am.  I am NOT a grandmaster chess player.  I am NOT a big time symphony tuba player.  I am not the best <bridge player><granny basketball player><you name it>.  And, guess what, that’s okay.  I can work at being a better tuba, bridge, chess, basketball player - but that is becoming the best version of myself.

It may not be quite germane, but I remember an article from years ago that touted being mediocre.  What?  Mediocre is defined as: “of only moderate quality; not very good.”.  I don't have to be a great chess player, unless that is my avocation, my goal, my livelihood.  We all see t-shirts (or sweatshirts) that say “World’s Best Grandma” or “World’s Best Grandpa”.  It is nice to be considered special by your grandchildren and I do need to work on being a good listener to my grandchildren, to care, love, encourage, and help them grow up.  

It might be okay to be of moderate quality.  (And, that doesn’t inflate my ego!!!)

To my friends, former students, and others, hey - I am who I am.  I am learning to be content, learning to avoid jealousy, learning to avoid those negative comparisons.

Some Scripture verses:

Galatians 1:10 “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?”

Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Galatians 6:5 “For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load.

So, I have been humbled - and I needed that!!!  (I’ve written this verse too many times:  Micah 6:8 “So, what does God expect of you?  To love justice, to show mercy and to walk humbly with your God”.

More tomorrow!!

Hugs!!!

Karen