Making Comparisons to others - part I

Comparison is the thief of joy!!

https://www.becomingminimalist.com/compare-less/

Quote from Teddy Roosevelt

Whoa!!!  Karen, are you writing that I can’t compare myself to others?  I “HAVE TO” compare myself to others - it is a yardstick that I can use to get better!!!  

Like at the gym:  I look at the ladies doing aerobics (or Zumba) - and I admire them and try to emulate them.  Isn’t take okay - to want to be better

Or at work, I see the ‘senior staff’ - what they do - how they got ahead in the company/college/business - and I admire them and try to emulate them.  I want to grow into a valued employee of my company, so, why can’t I look at others and get ideas?

Emulate - that’s okay, but if you get too deep in emulating, you start to want to be “ahead” of them. You look at your neighbor’s car and then your car, and you think, “I want a car like that - no I want a car bigger and better than that.

Let’s look at this statement from the attached article:

“I’ve struggled with it [comparison] most of my life. Typically, I blame it on having a twin brother who is five inches taller with much broader shoulders. But if I was being truly honest, more likely, it is simply a character flaw hidden somewhere deep in my heart.

I’ve lived most of my life comparing myself to others. At first, it was school and sports. But as I got older, I began comparing other metrics: job title, income level, house size, and worldly successes.”

*****

I’m going to use the linked article for some points today, and then back to figure out how to stop comparing!!

-1 Comparisons are always unfair.

The article suggests we compare the worst of ourselves (and only we know how really bad we are), to the best we assume about the person (or persons) we are comparing to.

I am sometimes given to introspection (as if you didn’t know).  When I compare myself to others, I see the best in them and the worst in me.

-2 Comparisons require metrics
My neighbors are wealthier than I am.  How do I know?  Well, they have a bigger and better house, they have a bigger and better car; they have a bigger and better lawn; they have bigger and better furniture; they have a nicer kitchen; they have a clean garage; (oops - if I am comparing my cleaning to others, I’m generally in the last place).

But, let’s be honest here.  I don’t know how much my neighbor is in debt.  I don’t know if she will make monthly payments until 2030 on her car. Appearances can be deceptive.

And, the tough answer (to my neighbor who has wealth than I do) “So what?”   There are CEOs who make millions of dollars in a year.  So what?  I don’t walk in their shoes!!

-3 Comparisons rob us of time.  It is like daydreams (or watching mindless television) - an hour spent comparing ‘stuff’ is an hour wasted!!

-4 We all are unique.  I am different than any other person on this planet.  Even with identical twins, they are unique in some ways - like unique fingerprints.  Anytime we want to compare almost anything, it is like comparing apples to oranges. 

Now, comparisons are okay in some situations. A coach may evaluate player A to player B.  Player A might be faster and player B might be stronger and it might depend on the situation which player to use. That might be using good judgment - or being wise. 

What I'm writing about is not comparing two cars for their merit but comparing myself to somebody else.

We will finish this list tomorrow and then look at how to stop!!!

Hugs!!


Karen