Fighting loneliness - part I

Fighting Loneliness

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-more-ideas-to-help-with-loneliness/

Yesterday, I talked about being lonely.

Of course, I must have a small diversion.  From the Beatles song, Eleanor Rigby, we have this refrain:  

“All the lonely people

Where do they all come from?

All the lonely people

Where do they all belong? “

I have lived alone for the past year-and-one-half.  In the early months, I did feel lonely frequently, but for the past year, I rarely have felt lonely.

So, let’s see if we can work on not being lonely!!

-1 Realize that loneliness is a feeling, not a fact. 

You (and I) can feel lonely in a crowd.  Can you imagine going to a big parade where you don’t know anybody, maybe they are speaking a different language - and you can choose to be lonely or not.

When I was alone in my hotel room in Belarus, I got outside, walked through the city, and looked at the architecture.  I even went to church in a language I didn’t know - twice!!! 

-2 Reach out

Loneliness can surround you; you can start to feel sorry for yourself.  You let fear speak to you.

In my early days at my apartment, I had to go to the grocery store - and my (demented) brain said “They are all looking at you, they all think you are strange, nobody likes you, you are a loser, you are alone”.  

I had to reach out.  I joined the gym, (and just walking helped with the depression of loneliness) and made sure I smiled and said “hi” to people).  I joined the bridge group.  I joined other groups (okay - I joined the ALCH - Austin Lesbian Coffee House - and joined my lady friends for coffee once a week!!!).  I kept active in my church.  I made friends with my neighbors.

I HAD TO keep the aches and pains of my living alone from turning into depression and into loneliness. 

-3 Notice your deflating thoughts

I had one bout of loneliness and doubt that did overwhelm me.  I let my fears get in the way of my successes.  (And, somewhat stupid of me, had let my low dose anti-depression medication run out).  

I “knew” that people were looking at me and judging me.  I could hear them say (in my brain, not my ears) “Look at that demented man.  He is trying to dress and live like a woman.  Doesn’t he know that he looks like a total fool”?  My brain heard that and that put me into my mental hospital for my four-day vacation!!!!

-4 Make a plant to FIGHT the mental and emotional habits of loneliness!!!

Like when you are feeling lazy and don’t want to exercise - that you really DO NEED to exercise, I needed to get out and meet people.  Somewhat of interest, joining the Austin Lesbian Coffee House group was quite a courageous action on my part.  And they ‘embraced’ me as many of them have fought their own battles of being different and lonely!!! I’m not sure at age 72 that I am a lesbian or what - and consider myself probably asexual, but they are good people to share a cup of coffee and a couple of hours chatting.

-5 Focus on the needs of others.  I’ve written about my calling and visiting my senior girlfriends as part of my volunteer activities.  I’ve given them rides in the past and now keeping my communication up in these days of isolation!!!

*****
Well, the article has ten points, and I have covered five-points, so we will continue here tomorrow!!!

My advice (mostly to myself) is that I can choose who I am.  I can choose to be lonely and depressed or I can choose to be happy, upbeat, and contented.

From Philippians 4:14 (The Message translation) “. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”

Hugs, Joy, Peace, and HAPPINESS!!!

Karen