MONDAY, OCTOBER 25, 2021 - EGO

 MONDAY, OCTOBER 25, 2021 - UNCHECKED EGO

“ Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.” (Romans 12:3b)

“Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom.” (Proverbs 3:7)

*****

I think I grew up pretty humble.  I wasn’t the best student in my high school.  I didn’t make it into the “National Honor Society”, I was inducted into the Thespian (theater society) in my senior year after the last play - barely), I was the president and founder of the Chess Club.  Yes - I was a nerd.  I was in the band, choir, chess club, and theater - not the captain of the football team, not the leading scorer on the basketball team,  not selected for the Homecoming court, didn’t date.

My parents were (I suppose) middle class (although my dad had worked his way up from being a truck driver to being a salesman).  My mother had a job in the “discount” basement of the local nice retail store.  I didn’t know I was missing anything (and, to be honest, I wasn’t).  I had a very loving family, I had grandparents within walking distance, I went to church and Sunday School every Sunday.  I didn’t smoke or drink.  

*****

When I went to college I was terribly afraid that I was going to flunk out.  In my first semester, I did one activity (band), and in all my spare time I studied.  I took the advice of studying three hours outside of class for each hour of class time.  So, with 16 class hours, and thus 48 study hours, I was busy 64 hours a week.  Social life?  No way.  Fun?  Not a part of my life.

(I had my first alcoholic drink in the November of that first semester - and nursed it for an hour-and-one-half).   

Fortunately, I did quite well with grades the first semester.  Thus in the second semester (mostly at the insistence of my sister), I pledged a fraternity and got involved with campus.

By the time I was a senior, I was (honesty) a BMOC - Big Man on Campus.  I was on the Student Senate, on the Academic Affairs Committee (as the student representative with the academic dean, department chairs, and administrators).  And, I graduated with high honors!!!

*****

Then I graduated and taught at one of the smaller high schools in Wisconsin.

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Years passed, and I became a college instructor, then an assistant professor, Dean of the College of Business and Information Systems, associate professor, full professor, holder of a doctorate degree (doctor of philosophy) in Management Information Systems, and a BPOC again - but this time as a “Big Professor on Campus”.  

I somehow got involved with some professional groups, chaired an academic conference four times, was on three national boards, did accreditation visits, consulted in my academic field, and in that field, was named the Information Systems Educator of the Year.  

I kidded myself that they were going to need to widen the door frame so my swelled head would fit.  I grew an ego that was REALLY LARGE.  I was (at least in my own mind) a BIG DEAL!!!

*****

Then one of the greatest things EVER happened to me!!!  I became a grandpa!!!  I cried such happy tears when I held those two tiny precious granddaughters in my arms (one in each arm).  God had blessed me.  

I retired and moved to Texas for the nicest title a man can have “Grandpa” (or Papa).  

But, I wasn’t ready to retire fully, so I taught at the University of Texas for three years.

*****

OUCH. I wasn’t a professor anymore.  I didn’t get to go to conferences and I taught large classes.  

[Aside.  Bigger institutions have stellar professors that maybe teach one or two graduate classes and/or supervise Ph.D. students working on their dissertations.  Those stellar professors are expected to publish in the top journals, get research grants, and make the institution proud.  I had kind of been that at my other two institutions, but now I was a peon - teaching the freshmen courses to very full (about 75 students a class) classes - because that ‘pays the bills” and allows those stellar professors to teach small classes and do research.]

My ego took a hit.  I wasn’t a big deal anymore.  

*****

That started my change in life.  I had been proud and now I was being humbled.  I (again, in my own mind) had been a big deal - and was nobody.  

And (gasp) I learned some deep secrets about myself.  I learned I was judgmental.  I wanted to play “God”,

I judged students by their skin, their lifestyles, and their religious background.  Note, this was years after 9/11 and ALL (at least to my judgmental brain) Muslims were terrorists.  Liberals were losers.  

*****

It’s taken several years - many of which have been in the desert - to lose that ego, to learn to LOVE ALL PEOPLE (gulp) - and that means - ALL (including gays, lesbians, and those transgender weirdos).  Quite the mental battle.

So what does God expect of you oh man, but to love justice, show mercy and walk humbly with your God (Micah 6:8)

I can only love God as much as the person I love the least (Dorothy Day)

Love your neighbor as yourself - (Matthew 22:39)

LOVE WINS!!!

Karen