WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 20, 2021 GRIEF CONTINUED

 WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 20, 2021 GRIEF CONTINUED

'

This week, I’ve been looking at grief.

The seven steps of grieving are:

1. DISBELIEF & SHOCK

2. DENIAL

3. GUILT & PAIN

4. BARGAINING

5. ANGER

6. DEPRESSION

7. ACCEPTANCE

Today, anger, depression, and acceptance

*****

ANGER

In my case, it hasn’t been a death or suicide of a loved one. It has been a separation from my family.

Yes, I did have anger (and maybe still do at times)

My source says:

“People going through this phase tend to lash out at the ones around them as an unwarranted reaction to the feelings of helplessness. One may place undue blame on someone else for the death. Grief strains the relationships of the living. To preserve these relationships, it’s imperative to find a way to release these extreme emotions in a healthy manner. “

I can be rash and impulsive. I did lash out and really hurt my family and my relationship with them. My rationale goes something like this: Commandment four of the Ten Commandments is “Honor your father and mother”. So, with righteous indignation, I’m correct in saying they are wrong to shun and ignore me. <beep - wrong answer, Karen>. I’ve also been learning about “turning the other cheek”; “walk a mile in their shoes”, “forgive seventy times seven times (that is, always be forgiving)”. I cannot allow myself to be angry at them. NOT ALLOWED in a life that says “LOVE WINS”.

*****

DEPRESSION

My source says “People who never experienced depression before have a hard time with this stage. Depression is all-encompassing and consumes your life. While it may seem extreme and worrying to go through a depression stage it is perfectly healthy to do so when grieving. After all the energy expelled and mental anguish of the other stages, depression gives you time to reflect and recover. Taking ample time to feel the loneliness and isolation make it easier to re-enter the world when you are ready.”

“When going through depression, avoid people who encourage you to “snap out of it.” For one, you cannot control your emotions that way. Instead, let yourself feel the despair and emptiness– just as you let yourself feel the other stages. This is a significant period of reflection and recuperation.”

I felt depressed and lack of value after my major health issue. The enemy whispered in my ear “nobody loves you, nobody needs you”. There were three times that I “lightly” thought of ending my life. (Never to the point of actually doing it). I spent four days in a mental hospital (thanks Anne, Joe, and Janie - one of you knows who they are). As the article suggests “this is a significant period of reflection and recuperation”.

And, as the article suggests saying “Snap out of it” to a depressed person probably is going to alienate the depressed person more!!

*****

ACCEPTANCE

The final step in the grieving process is ACCEPTANCE

“As a person adjusts to life without the person they grieve, the depression and other extreme feelings fade away. Common signs of acceptance include:

. Restructuring life without the person

. Cleaning out the loved one’s personal items

. Working on financial and social problems

. Seeking out old relationships and support systems

. Beginning new projects or hobbies

“Acceptance does not equate to happiness. Rather, acceptance is the stage where a grieving person makes a conscious decision to move on and work towards a feeling of normality again. After a significant loss, a person rarely feels the same way they were before again. Acceptance occurs when a person stops looking towards the past and focuses on the future.”

*****

I don’t really like the comment “It is what it is”, that is sometimes the starting point for me. It doesn’t always have to be that way - but that is how it is currently. Accept and move on - move on to LOVE, move on to letting LOVE WIN.

Acceptance (at least to me) means putting the petty things behind. It also means (to me), that I screwed up, and “let Go, and let God”!!! Psalm 124 “Our help is in the name of the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

*****

Some of you (all of you?) have gone through these steps. It can be a challenge. Tomorrow, how to help a friend in the grieving process.

LOVE WINS!!!

Karen