THURSDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2021 HELPING A PERSON IN GRIEF

 THURSDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2021 HELPING A PERSON IN GRIEF

This week, I’ve been talking about grief and the grieving process.

First, some euphemisms for death:

Passed away

Slipped away/succumbed

Resting in peace

Took their last breath

Went to a better place

Bought the farm

Gave up the Ghost

Cashed in their chips

Six feet under

Kicked the bucket

Pushing up daisies

Sleeping with the fishes

Bit the dust

Met his maker

Going home to the Lord

Breathed his last

Entered into Eternal Rest

It seems as if we don’t want to say “so-and-so died”, or “they are dead”. So we use euphemisms like they “passed on”. You can do it to try and shield yourself or other loved ones from the harsh reality of death.  I think I’ve used most of these at some point or other.

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Now - helping a person to grieve. (from How to Help a Grieving Friend: 15 Ways to Show Your Support (therecoveryvillage.com))

It can be challenging to know what to say to someone grieving. The fear of saying the wrong thing could make you avoid trying to help, but there is no one particular way to help someone through grief. By being open, compassionate, and willing to help, your presence will offer support. 

Things to do:

Check-in on them - phone calls, visits are good

Understanding the grieving process - see the last three days of this blog

Listen more, talk less (and listen attentively) (see later about just sitting silently

Let them cry (I’ve cried).  It can be very cathartic to cry. 

Ask questions 

“Check in on your friend’s self-care, such as how they are sleeping and if they are getting enough to eat. Venture into how they are feeling emotionally and listen with compassion and care. Remember, you don’t have to fix anything — there is nothing you can do to make your friend’s pain go away — but your presence and compassion can make a world of difference.”

Offer practical help like running errands, cleaning their house, cooking for them, offering to help with childcare, offering to help manage or coordinate bills, helping with laundry

Be willing to sit in silence.  (Maybe even just hold their hand).  Your presence speaks volumes.

Remember dates - maybe on the anniversary of the event/death to give a phone call, a card, or a visit.  Let them know they are not alone.

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THINGS NOT TO DO

Don’t be afraid to talk about the deceased person. Ask questions like what did you like doing together?  

Don’t try to fix them. Grief is not a process that can be ‘fixed’ (like before saying “Snap out of it” isn’t appropriate)!!!

Don’t diminish their grief.  Ask how they feel.  Sit with them. (Saying “you’ll get over this soon” probably isn’t going to work)

Don’t draw comparisons.  Talking about your grief when your spouse died may not be the same as their grief.  Don’t minimize their grief.

Don’t comment on their appearance.  “You look good for a person who lost his wife” just isn’t going to help!!!

Don’t push your faith on them. Unless you share some common faith bases - and even them, probably don’t talk too much - let their clergyperson do that.

And, the final comment about helping a person grieve:

“The best thing you can offer someone who is grieving is a hug, a listening ear, and a compassionate presence. No combination of words will make your friend’s pain go away. Don’t worry about saying the right thing because honestly, there is no right thing to say. Grief can be all-consuming. Just being present and offering love and kindness is all that matters. “

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As before, it tends to be about LOVE - love for the friend that you are with.  1 Peter 4:8 “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.”

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Yes, even in this, let LOVE WIN!!!

Karen