Counting the Costs

Counting the costs:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Velveteen_Rabbit

In my academic life, one of my specialties was Systems Analysis and Design (I abbreviated it as SA&D - but students took out the ampersand!!)  

One of the topics in Systems Analysis is feasibility.  Is the proposed system feasible - do we have the technologies to create it? What will be the economic benefits?  And, will our staff use the new system.  In short, we described these as “can we build it; should we build it; and if we build it, will they come?” 

Frequently, the most important feasibility concept is the economic one.  We do a cost/benefit analysis - what will the new system cost and how long before the new system pays off in benefits.  We call that analysis ROI - return on investment.  And, the payoff time until we get to the ‘break-even point’.  So, if a company puts in a new accounting system that will give better financial analysis, better reporting features, easier to use for the staff.  Maybe it will cost $100,000 to build this new system (or to purchase this new system), and maybe it will take three years to break-even, but after three years, the system will give those new benefits.

In my last two days, I wrote about “She’s Leaving Home” (using the Beatles song).  There were costs and benefits to me leaving home.  I’m sure there was a little intangible benefit in “Retired Husband Syndrome”  as I wasn’t under my wife’s feet anymore, but there were probably more tangible costs - the ongoing costs of an apartment for me, the one-time costs of items for my kitchen, U-Haul rental, deposit on the apartment, and some miscellaneous packing supplies. In terms of financial costs and benefits, the financial benefits were not going to ever cover the ongoing cost of apartment rent and related expenses. 

BUT, the real benefits are intangibles (that is, not measurable in terms of dollars and sense).  My wife has experienced great relief from being married to a woman (at least in her eyes).  And, I have been experienced a great benefit in being “authentic” 

So, what is “authenticity”?   The dictionary defines “authenticity” as the state of being “authentic’ - okay I can go with that!!  And, authentic is defined as “not false or copied; genuine; real:”.

My wife became “authentic”.  Real to herself - not having to lie to people about her husband “going over the fence”.  She is not encumbered by a ‘worthless’ male who thinks he is a female - or a wife - making her into a wife/wife marriage (aka - a lesbian’ marriage).  She is FREE!!

Like the Velveteen Rabbit of Children’s Literature, I became “real” - that that was deep inside me, that had been hidden for years, finally came to the surface.  

I am a woman!!  (How can that be?)  Was that truly inside me for all those years?  

But, even with the intangible benefits of being authentic, there have been intangible costs.  I lost my family.  I lost my precious grandchildren.  (Even as I write this there are tears in my eyes).  But, the terrible costs of losing my family don’t quite measure up to my happiness in being ‘real’.  

The Velveteen Rabbit tells of a toy rabbit who becomes loved by a boy.  When the boy gets scarlet fever, the rabbit is with him until the doctor says that the toy rabbit could have the germs and needs to be thrown out.  The Velveteen Rabbit sheds a real tear and becomes “real”.  

I would like to think that I have become real too.  I have a new and exciting life.  My life is growing and changing day-by-day.  Instead of a shrinking comfort zone (that many retired men have), my comfort zone is growing.  Two days ago I got new press-on nails and I love that look.  My legal name and my legal gender reflect who I believe I am.  If seeing is believing, then is believing the same as seeing?

I do also believe that reconciliation with my family will happen.  I had a vision (yup - a supernatural vision) that reconciliation will happen.  God is so good!!!  

And, two verses from Philippians chapter 4:

Verse 8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Then Verses 6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Enough!!!

Enjoy this week’s Saturday Story (originally written for my Bridge Brat friends) and my Sunday-Funday post!!

Hugs!!

Karen