Saturday Story 3C - Finished

Saturday Story 3C - finished

Last week, Anne Biggs went back to Enid Oklahoma when her Mom fell and shattered her hip and got a hip replacement

Anne offered to take Mom into her home

*****

I had thought about the choices for Mom and had prayed about the options.  I just couldn’t see Mom staying in Enid Oklahoma - about 7 hours drive from my sister Linda in Leander Texas and myself is Georgetown Texas.  Yes, there was Jared, our brother outside of Dallas - but his family was younger (and - let’s be honest, he wasn’t going to be a good caretaker of Mom. Mom needed a “Mom” for her!!)

I talked with Mark, my husband, and our two daughters, Dyana and Bethany, and without a lot of coercion agreed that Mom could live with us.

I had reflected on how many diapers Mom had changed when we were babies, how many concerts, games, and activities she attended when we were growing up, and how many prayers she prayed for us.  I was at a point where I could retire without a great loss in my retirement income, we had a room in our house (kind of - since it had been Dyana’s room). 

We moved her to Georgetown when she was released from the hospital.  I had arranged for residency in Wesleyan Woods rehabilitation center for a couple of weeks - and I visited her for long periods most days and Linda also came over from Leander after her school days and on weekends.  The staff there helped her walk with her new hip and to use a walker.  Her dementia was growing I thought, but she was also in a new location with new people and a new hip.  She did recognize Linda and me.  After three weeks, Wesleyan Woods dismissed her and we moved her into Dyana’s old room at our house.

Meanwhile, Mark and Jared had gone to her house in Enid and brought back some furniture.  They brought things that would be familiar to Mom - her bed, her favorite chair, some pictures from her house, photo books, and some clothes.  

It wasn’t quite “home” for her, but it was enough to make her comfortable.  We even painted Dyana’s bedroom to match the color of her bedroom in Enid.  

I wish I could say the next two years were all joy, but they weren’t.  As her dementia worsened, she was generally a nice person, but occasionally would have tantrums and bad dreams.  (Hmm - I remembered a few of my tantrums and bad dreams when I grew up).  Eventually, her body deteriorated and she wore adult diapers and I had to change her diapers.  It wasn’t fun, but it was my mother.  On the good days, we would walk a little in my neighborhood and we would talk while the television was on.  She liked going to church with us and she sometimes sang the old hymns (although the words might not have been quite correct). She knew the girls a little and Bethany, in particular, liked taking Grandma to events at school - in the early days at least.  

Occasionally, Mark would get frustrated as I spent more time with my mother than I did with him - and I didn’t blame him for that.  Weekends were the best when Linda came and stayed with Mom - and Mark and I occasionally went away for a day or two.  We took her to Port Aransas and she liked sitting on the beach and dipping her toes into the water.  

And, like the ways of the world, she slowly failed.  The conversations were not as good; the recognitions were not as good.  Sometimes I was Anne, sometimes I was Linda, and sometimes she didn’t recognize me at all.  Sometimes for no reason, she cried.  Sometimes she didn’t eat - especially when I made things I knew she liked.  

But as my mother had loved me - in my early years and really throughout life - I loved her in these last two years of her life.     

In the last few months, she was in hospice care and a hospice nurse came to the house once or twice a week, and then in the last few weeks, the nurse came every day.  One day after a visit, the nurse said “Your mother is failing quickly and may not last another week”.  Jared came down and spent a couple of days with her, her other grandchildren visited.  On her last night, it seemed like God had whispered to me “this is the end, show your love to your mother.”  Linda and I sat with her and about midnight, she died.  

Yes, it was traumatic, yes, it was tough.  We had to change the carpets from her “accidents’.  But, I wouldn’t have changed it.  The woman who had nursed me and cared for me my whole life allowed me to care for her (as well as DIDN’T allow me to care for her!!).  

*****

Friends - this has been fiction - but fiction based on some facts and on some understanding.  My parents lived in an assisted living facility and my sister visited them every day.  

In times past, I visited some of the elderly from my church.  Some never had visitors - except me or other visitors from the church.  Some hadn’t ever married and didn’t have children and no one to be there during those last dying days.  

And, at age 72, I know I am not going to live forever.  What does God want me to do for my senior friends?  What do I want people to do for me?  

I know we are all different and at different stages in our lives - but I suggest that maybe we can care and love our parents and others more as they age and die.  (RP) mentioned that he and his wife just moved his parents into senior living.  It is not an unusual situation.

I have said we are to “LOVE”, “LOVE WINS” - and LOVE begins at home with your family!!  The Ten Commandments say “Honor your father and your mother so that you may live long in the land that Yahweh your God is giving you”.  This commandment has a promise - that YOU may live long.

Next week, another story - but for this week, think of your loved ones, think of those who don’t have a family to love them, think of those with COVID and are dying - and share some LOVE with all people!!

Hugs!!

Karen