Retirement Coaching - #3

Retirement Coaching - #3

I’ve been looking at Retirement Life Coaching.  Generally, the areas to be looked at are Spiritual, Mental, Financial, Social, Physical (including health), and Family (see yesterday’s blog for details).

Today, I’m going to look at a fictitious example.

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I am working with a couple - Jason and Nancy.  (Loosely based on people I know)

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Jason has been an executive within a major international kitchen product company.  He was at least mid 6 figures (500,000 and up) and with bonuses, he normally was over $1,000,000 of income a year.  

Nancy has worked some, but with Jason’s moves (including Hong Kong), she mostly did volunteering. In the past ten years (with Jason working out of the home office in Dallas Texas), she has volunteered and visited their children and grandchildren.  When each of their five grandchildren was born, she stayed at least a month with the family to help in those early days of parenting. 

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In retirement, Jason wants to play golf at least three times a week.  He has been on too many planes and doesn’t want to travel much.  About all the traveling he is looking forward to is a month in Colorado in the winter for skiing.

In retirement, Nancy wants to see and stay with each of their three children (and five grandchildren).  [She loves being “Nana”].  In terms of traveling, she wants to take the Rhine River Cruise and then spend a couple of weeks in Germany, the Czech Republic, Austria, and Switzerland exploring her family roots.  

She is actually looking forward to Colorado for a month in the winter as she would stay with their son’s family in Aurora while Jason skis. But Jason wants to stay in the mountains - probably Vail - instead of Aurora so he can hit the slopes in the morning, instead of driving from Aurora. 

Jason is okay with the Rhine River Cruise, but he would rather be in France in July and watch as many stages of the Tour de France Bike Race.  

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Nancy would prefer to be home in Southlake Texas - a nice (white/safe) suburb of Dallas.  She especially wants to be home in the spring to plant flowers. Jason is okay with that, as he can play golf.

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Several years ago when Jason was traveling to Hong Kong frequently for his business, he had an affair.  He confessed it, but Nancy occasionally worries about that experience and being able to trust Jason. 

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Jason likes to play golf, but he does have high-blood-pressure and has been diagnosed as “pre-diabetic”.  Meanwhile, Nancy does aerobics, Zumba, and does daily workouts at the Southlake Fitness Center.  Jason does have a pot-belly, and Nancy is fit and trim.  Nancy also goes to the Salon every other week to get her hair (and sometimes her nails) done.  

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Jason doesn’t go to church, thinks it is full of hypocrites.  Nancy goes - more as a “social Christian” - to be seen and see her friends.  She helps with the coffee and donuts after the service where people gather. 

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So  - this couple has come to me, six months into their retirement.  Nancy is frustrated with Jason as she wants to travel and see other places and their family and Jason want to play golf.  Jason is frustrated and Nancy doesn’t want to do things with him.  He’d be happy if she would try to play golf with him.  But, he is enjoying the “19th hole” and hanging out with his golf buddies and having a drink or two (or three or four or five). 

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As a Retirement Life Coach, it is now my turn.  Let’s assume I’ve talked with Nancy separately; and then Jason separately - and now have them together.

What might you suggest?

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My answers:

I would start with the travel issue.  Karen wants to travel (Rhine River Cruise, visit Europe and visit family); Jason has traveled so much for business in his life he doesn’t want to travel.  

I would ask them to talk about this with me in the middle (I am not suggesting anything, but listening).  I would ask about compromises - maybe the Rhine River Cruise in late June/early July.  It seems as if funds are not an issue - maybe they could find another couple to go with them.  Jason might have somebody other than Nancy to talk to.  Maybe the guys could go to the Tour de France for a few days while Nancy and her friend could go some German exploring.  

This would lead into the social area.  Do they have a couple that they like and would like to build rapport with?  It would seem that having other senior friends might help them get over their frustrations as it might be a couple where the husband golfs and the wife volunteers or does yard and flowers.  This might also expand into other couples they would be comfortable with.

I didn’t hear about how they are challenging themselves mentally.  I would like to hear them speak about that area of their retirement life.

There was mention that Nancy seems to work out and take care of herself, but that Jason has a pot-belly.  I might ask him about his weight.  For a first visit, I would be careful not to push the issue, but to explore it just a little.

The family seems to be more important to Nancy than Jason.  I might ask him about that.  Are any of the grandchildren old enough to play beginner golf with him?  Or beginning skiing? 

I would not discuss spiritual issues too deeply on the first visit.  I might ask if there was a group where they could both volunteer together.  (In my area there is a group that runs a thrift-resale shop and also a food pantry.  It seems like the men take in and help sort the donations and the ladies like working in the shop and food pantry.  It might help if they found something they could do together.

Might there be social groups for both of them?  Two senior centers I know have senior dances.  Might that be an option?  Other senior centers play cards, or bingo, or other games.  I sense they have not discussed senior options they could do together.  

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What do you think?  For a first session might this be of value to this couple?  Do you sense some “Retired Husband Syndrome” in this couple?  Do you sense “Gray Divorce” with this couple?

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Hugs!!

Karen