Retired Husband Syndrome - day one!!

Retired Husband Syndrome!!!  (Really!!!)

https://retirementjobs.com/career-advice/articles-and-news/retired-husband-syndrome/

First - from the article:

“The unflattering terms many Japanese women use to describe their retired husbands, “Sodaigomi” or oversized garbage, and “nureochiba” or wet fallen leaves serve as markers along our own road to retirement and suggest the need for alternative paths. For older Japanese, brought up to believe women were subservient to men, the husband’s retirement can be so difficult that experts estimate as many as 60% of wives of Japanese retirees suffer debilitating physical symptoms. These health problems, now known as “Retired Husband Syndrome” include stomach ulcers, slurring of speech, rashes around the eyes, growths in the throat, palpitations, tension headaches and depression (www.thestar.com) as well as “agitation, gas, bloating, muscle aches, and other symptoms of stress.” 

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WOW - That is somewhat graphic to me - “Oversized Garbage”, or “Wet Fallen Leaves”!!!  

Not very loving terms - like “My dear retired husband” or “My loving-and-helpful-around-the- home man!!!”

So, this article suggests a scene like this:

Husband John retires from his long time job - retires and now is a pest (or oversized garbage) around the house.  The lady of the house has such trouble adapting to her husband being home, she physically becomes sick (ulcers, rashes, headaches, and depression)!!!  

Hmmm - I retired in 2016, came home, and by spring 2017 had a major health issue, and depression and found peace in becoming a woman.  

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From the United States National Institute on Health we have:

“During the first years of marriage, each partner tries to please the other by socializing, dining out, going to movies and engaging in recreation of all types, but as a husband becomes successful and takes on more responsibilities at work, he has less time for his wife and loses interest in many of the niceties they formerly enjoyed. She then replaces this lack of attention by seeking out her own recreation, such as bridge, gardening, golfing, tennis or club, volunteer, or church work. She becomes dependent on these as a part of her day-to-day living and happiness.

“As children begin arriving, many of these extracurricular activities are dropped and the former leisure time is replaced with the finalities of raising a family. The husband contributes little because he is busy being successful-sometimes traveling for days and often absent from home from early morning to late evening. When he arrives home, his mood is often one of silence because of his preoccupation with the day's activities, or he often finds time to depreciate or complain of her day's unproductiveness. His demeaning attitude can be tolerated because he is around the home for only short periods of time. But, lo and behold, now he is retired!  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1021891/pdf/westjmed00182-0112.pdf - 1984.

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That article continues with this:

“With retirement comes a whole new life for both spouses. His is one of finding leisurable activities while hers becomes more involved with details. When a husband retires from his routine workday, his whole attitude toward life turns to doing what he pleases whenever he chooses to do it. She had never-in 35 or more years of marriage been aware of the unpleasant personality that suddenly now becomes evident (Figure 2). His normal aggressiveness has now become that of ruling sovereignty; yet, in some cases, his dependency takes a major portion of her previously free time. "There is no retirement for me," she exclaims. "In fact, picking up around the house, cleaning the ashtrays, and picking up the beer bottles all day makes my workload much worse than it was before." I have frequently heard wives rage with such allegations as, "I am going nuts," "I want to scream," "He is under my feet all the time," "He is driving me crazy," "I'm nervous" or "I can't sleep." These emotional statements are frequently associated with symptoms such as tension headaches, depression, agitation, palpitations, gas, bloating, muscle aches, and so forth. Not infrequently a woman will state that previous social functions, such as playing bridge, golfing, or meeting with her friends, have had to cease because of his demands for her attention. Even grocery shopping means accompanying her husband and being hit in the heels with a grocery cart”

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Now, let’s be honest - this is NOT just a wife/spouse problem.  (My opinion) The man used to have value - he left the house in the morning (say 6:30) and arrived home (exhausted) at 5:30.  But, he had VALUE - he got a paycheck.  That paycheck was his goal for the week, month, year!!  The man was to be the “bread-winner”, to “bring home the bacon”.  And, now in this long-awaited retirement - he gets to enjoy the fruit of his labors.  And, many men find themselves with nothing to do.  They heard of a long-awaited dream called “retirement” and for years worked towards that wonderful goal - and then found it was a pipe dream.  It wasn’t read, it wasn’t ‘heaven on earth’.  

I have commented about Howard Buxton before  Howard and Mary were neighbors three doors down from where I grew up.  Howard had a job in a food processing company and was a supervisor.  He came home and within a year had a heart attack and died!!!!  I vowed not to let that happen to me - and yet it did!!!  (Except mine wasn’t a heart attack and I didn’t die!!)

For the next couple of days, I’m going to look at RHS - Retired Husband Syndrome - from both the man’s view and the woman’s view.  And, I’m going to throw in another retirement factor - “Gray Divorce”!!!

See you tomorrow for day two of “Retirement Husband Syndrome”!!

Hugs!!

Karn