Retirement Coaching - An Ideal Couple?

Retirement Life Coaching - example 3

For the past few days, I’ve written on how I might approach some retirement life coaching.  Today is a more normal day (day 1 was a couple with money, day 2 was a couple with little in common).  Today, my scenario will be very loosely written on my parents' example. 

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Tom and Mary (I’ll use very traditional names).

Tom was a ‘self-made’ man.  He started from a fair humble beginning.  He was the second oldest of seven on a farm in Southwest Wisconsin.  But, his father died from a farm accident. His mother moved them to Madison,  He became a bread delivery ‘route man’ in the towns around Madison.  He was personal and timely and was well-liked by the store owners - and as a ‘salesman’ did well.  Then he was a furniture salesman, and he became a real estate salesperson and a real estate broker for a real estate office of 6 salespeople.  His income was good and they saved more for retirement.

Mary went to Wisconsin State Normal School and got a one-year certificate to teach elementary school.  When Tom and Mary married, she stopped teaching.   They had two children - both of whom became teachers.  When their daughter Lisa was a junior in high school, she went back to teaching in Mount Horeb.  They helped Lisa and Steve through college. She taught until she was 65 and retired.  In their last three years, she and Tom put all of Mary’s income into retirement accounts.  Like Tom, Mary was very personal and was a great first-grade teacher.

Without really preparing for retirement, it ‘happened’.  For some twenty-years, before Mary retired, they played cards with the neighbors.  For both families, the children were about the same age, so what began as neighbors kids playing, the two sets of parents played Euchre during the winter while the kids built lego structures.  Then the girls graduated to Barbie, and the boys to board games. When the kids moved out to college and work, Tom and Mary played cards with Floyd and Elsie.  Floyd and Elsie belonged to a square dancing group, and at some point, Tom and Mary square danced.  Other friends had an investment club and each month the ten participants kicked in $100, and the club decided where to invest the $1,000 each money (or to hold for a larger amount.  Tom and Mary did this for 15 years, and it had mental, financial, and social implementations.

Mary did retire from teaching, but Tom still ‘ran’ his real estate office.  It was a simple local realty firm - with four people, Tom, and three part-time sales agents.  Even after retirement, Tom kept his real estate license active but sold off his brokerage to one of the part-time agents.  

When Mary retired, another friend invited her to go “mall walking”.  Tom soon joined the mall walking group.  This was a combination of social and physical.  Frequently after walking before the mall opened,  the mall walkers group would stop for coffee and a donut at the coffee shop in the mail. 

As for other life issues, they worshipped regularly at their church, and they visited their children and grandchildren frequently.  

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This seems to be an example of a good retirement situation.  They seem to have their Spiritual, Mental, Financial, Social, Physical (including health), and Family (see yesterday’s blog for details).

But, retirement is not a ‘snapshot’ of the retiring couple (in this case), but lasting for years.  In this example, the retirement couple lived together for over thirty years before Tom died, and with Mary dying the next year.

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Tom and Mary’s retirement issue came about 15 years into their retirement when they were 81 and 80. Many of their old friends were dying or moving away or just not interested in old things.  Square dancing got harder for Tom.  The neighbors they played Euchre with moved to be closer to their grown children.  The investment club reached its ten-year anniversary and dispersed their funds.  Their comfort zone was shrinking with fewer friends and fewer activities.

For Tom and Mary, the issue was moving.  Their daughter (and husband and family) had moved to the Waco Texas area and invited Tom and Mary to move closer to them. There were advantages and disadvantages to considering this move.  Mary had grown up in Madison, and Tom had moved there when he was a teenager.  Tom liked the concept of NO snow to drive through or shovel.  Mary liked the idea of being close to their family and to the grandchildren.  

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As a Retirement Life Coach, I would listen to both sides of the discussion and ask Tom and Mary to discuss how they view it.  

I would try to get them to talk about some future issues - like what if neither one of you can drive? (Not an unusual occurrence in seniors), What if their daughter and family need to move for work (like getting transferred to Silicon Valley).  What housing options have you thought about?  House, apartment (how big), assisted living (what if Mary can’t cook or doesn’t want to cook).  How does this potential move impact their other child?  Yes, Tom probably won’t have to shovel snow in Waco Texas - but can they stand being indoors for most of the summer when it is hot?  Can they visit the other child and family during the summer?  What is the reaction of the daughter and family in Waco - are they enthusiastic about inviting her parents to move - or just thinking it would be nice?   When they die what will happen to their bodies?  Buried?  Cremated? Where will the bodies or ashes go?  Is this an issue?  How will this affect their finances? 

Many times, counseling and life coaching are more than just getting into the issues, but delving into the implications of a decision - short term, medium-term and long term.  

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Hugs!!

Karen