Unmet Expectations

How to handle unmet expectations

Background - you know my brain ‘flipped’ a little more than over four-years ago.  (April 2016),  As I struggled with what this meant.  I prayed a lot and sought God.  Sensing I somehow was a female was so foreign to me.  Was I truly nuts?  Was I violating some law of the Universe - and some law and process of God? Little by little, I stretched myself and I am legally (according to the Great State of Texas) Karen Anne White - and that I am a female.  HUH?  How can this be?  And, how can this action but enthrall me, excite and make me happy and yet alienate me from my family.  

Today, I am NOT grieving my family (I do believe that we will be reconciled - a God-given grace and mercy) - but talking about another unmet expectation.

(This is going to get a little personal - excuse me).  

On January 1, 2020 (yes - almost seven months ago) - as I’m meditating on the New Year, I was setting goals.  I set SMART goals - goals that are Specific (not vague), Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely.  And, I picked July 20, 2020, as my surgery date.  I picked a Monday, so I would have the week to recover and get back on my feet.  I found one appropriate surgeon in Texas that accepted Medicare payments for this type of surgery and signed up on that clinic’s website - AND - he called me on January 1, 2020. (Huh - a doctor calling a potential patient on a holiday? WOW!!)

I put July 20, 2020, on my calendar, I made a post-it note for my encouragement poster that says “July 20, 2020).  (I do have a poster of encouragement messages for myself).

But, it didn’t happen.  I had any idea of how busy this doctor is, and on January 1, 2020, I had no idea about a pandemic!!!  So, I do have an appointment to meet with the surgeon on August 26, 2020.  But, even with the appointment, I think I will have doubts that it will happen until next year.  

So, that leads to today’s topic - Unmet Expectations.  

I had an expectation that I would have this surgery on July 20, 2020.  “I” was in charge (proclaiming “Seek and you shall find, Knock and the door will open; Ask and it shall be given” (Matthew 7:7-8).  And “God will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).  Yup, “I was in charge”, “I was giving God orders”.  (Talk about humility - or the lack thereof)!!!

So, I had an expectation that didn’t happen (yet).  Should I stop making plans (that is, goals) because I didn’t make this one?  Should I bemoan the fact and say “Boy was I stupid to make such a goal!”.  

There are a lot of things beyond my control here.  Goals are best when they only depend upon me.  I have little control over the pandemic!! (okay, I have NO control over the pandemic).  I have little control over the surgeon’s schedule - other than to request a slot.  I have little control over insurance policies and procedures.  Maybe my “goal” was a ‘strong wish’ or a ‘desire’.  And, in effect, I was trying to “manipulate God” to make my goal come out!!!

Unmet expectations lead to disappointment.  And, yes, I was disappointed. But by early April, I figured out that it wouldn’t be happening.  

Now, I do have a consultation on August 26th with the surgeon - so now that is my ‘expectation’.  I know it is on “his” calendar.  Where it does from there, we shall see!!!

But, thinking about that a little more - we have to keep expecting good things.  For example, if you expect your child to get no higher than a “C” grade - then you are not disappointed when they get a “C”.  But, if you expect an “A”, you might be disappointed if they get an A-minus.  (And, parent’s expectations are NOT necessarily the child’s expectations!!!)  

Major league all-star/all-pro players expect to be winners - they have high expectations for themselves.  Don’t give up from one or two less than perfect efforts - get up and get going!!!

I used to say to my students “I learn from my mistakes, and that is why I am so smart”!!  (The implication is that I made a LOT of mistakes and I learned from those mistakes. ) 

Aside, my first COBOL program - a programming language that I love and have excelled in - had over one-hundred mistakes.  It was tempting to say “Forget this!!!”  But, many of those mistakes were based just on one mistake. 

I took that program and found and corrected the mistakes.  The second time I submitted it, I had about five errors (quite the improvement from being over 100 errors). And, the third time, I submitted it, it was error-free!!  BUT - if I would have believed my first version, with over one-hundred mistakes, I may never have conquered COBOL.

Managing expectations can be tricky.  Is this goal attainable?  Is it attainable by just myself - or will there be complications and interaction with others?  If I fail this goal, what will that mean?  (There are times when failure means death - if I fail climbing Mount Everest and fail two miles, it is likely that I will die).

Where are your expectations problems - with your own expectations - or expectations of your spouse, your children, your team, your students?  

Hebrews 11:1 says “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”  I have faith that it is going to happen - but, I don’t control the clock!!!

Hugs!!

Karen