She's Leaving Home - part II

“She’s leaving Home” - part II

Yesterday, I disclosed my ‘getting run over by a Mack Truck” and “having a ton of bricks fall on me” - and my first steps into my being moved out of my house.

My major aorta surgery was in July 2017 - over a year after I started wearing panties.  After that depression sat in.  I found myself trying on more of my wife's tops.  

First “exile”. She knew and in August 2017, she asked me to leave the house for a few hours so she could think.  I took a long walk in my neighborhood.  It was still hot, so I stopped in a park under some trees.  And after about three hours returned home.  There was no discussion on this.  

Second “exile” In September 2017, she asked me to leave again.  This time, I drove to Marble Falls - a nice little town about an hour southwest of Leander Texas.  I took a road that my wife wouldn’t let me take because it was “too hilly and curvy”.  

I was at a McDonalds' when she texted me to come home, she wanted to make up.  I was suspicious.  We talked on the phone and I thought she said I could crossdress one day a week at home.  I came home again - and the deal was off.  

By-the-way, I was going to a counselor at this time. EF from Baylor, Scott, and White Health Care System became my counselor and friend.  (I knew it was going to work from the first session - where (a) she diagnosed me as having Gender Dysphoria (and depressions) and (b) she said I could leave a dress in her office and I could change into it when I came for an appointment).  By-the-way, I never took her up on that offer, but I did get some clothes at a local thrift shop and lipstick and mascara at the dollar store and I left the house and changed at a restroom in a park about half-a-mile from home.  This led to my first public activities as Karen.  I would stop at a Taco Bell near EF’s office and get something to eat - with no problems.  I might not be “passing” but I was being “accepted”.  

I did get into a little “trouble” one day as I was going to my counseling session and my wife wasn’t at home, I dressed feminine at home.  But, we had installed a “Ring” doorbell with a camera and she saw me leave and told me she didn’t like it.

With EF’s recommendation, I started attending PFLAG - Parents, Family of Lesbians, and Gays.  (I suppose today that might  be PFLAGT) - and after my first monthly meeting, wore some feminine things to the meeting.  

None of this sat well with my wife.  Tolerance became animosity.  We did more counseling sessions - some together, most separate.  Seemingly (in my addled brain) I sensed that the counselors were more on my side (not that counselors could express that directly).  One counselor (with a Christian background and viewpoint) had us write post-it notes to each other.  I did multiple notes about how I loved her, and her wonderful features in the next two weeks and she did two notes - both relating to my teacher and my rapport with students.  

My gender dysphoria did grow during this time.  Once we were in a TJ Maxx and she was shopping for clothes.  I went to look and touch and even hold up some things against my body for fit.  She came over to me and sternly said “Don’t do that”.  Immediately, I started to bawl - loud and strong and left the store to cry.  She could have new clothes but I couldn’t.  It hurt badly. 

Third “exile” By November 2017, I was “exiled” (my term, maybe not hers) for three days.  She said she needed to think and suggested that I go to visit my sister in Michigan.  That was going to be hard to arrange on the spur of the moment, so I went to Taylor Texas for three days - as Karen. As I left town, I stopped at Payless shoes and got a pair of female shoes. I stayed in a cheap motel and walked around town.  I did leave a ‘ring around the tub’ in the motel as I shaved my legs for the first time.  Boy did they feel so nice!!  And, those ‘skinny jeans’ were awesome, and my burgundy top was wonderful).  (Do you sense I was on the “slippery slide”)

There was a long gap between this trip to Taylor and my next ‘exile’.  I hoped that maybe we could see things eye-to-eye.  But, behind the scenes, she was talking with a lawyer and with a conservative clergy person (who was sure this was from the devil).

I did suffer guilt with my cross-dressing and “purged” my feminine clothes three times.  I took what I had and donated them to a thrift shop.  For the little in make-up that I had, it went into a trash can.   I would be fine for a few days, but one little slip, one depressing thought threw me off.  Like a drug addiction, I needed my “clothes” to get through life!

In May of 2018, our twin grandchildren graduated from Preschool - and I was not invited.  My daughter shunned me and soon my son did the same (although he isn’t quite as severe as she is!!)  This summer of 2020 it has been two years since I have seen the twins.  

Fourth “exile”. In the first week of July 2018, I spent at an extended stay motel in Round Rock Texas for a week.  I had to cook for myself and take care of myself.   

By September 2018, she made it clear that I “had to go” and we started looking for apartments.  By mid-October 2018, I had agreed on an apartment in Georgetown Texas - where I still abide.  

More on that tomorrow!!!

Hugs!!!

Karen