Retirement Coaching #4 - Ralph and Jeanine

Retirement Coaching - #4

I’ve been looking at Retirement Life Coaching.  Generally, the areas to be looked at are Spiritual, Mental, Financial, Social, Physical (including health), and Family (see yesterday’s blog for details).

Today, I’m going to look at another fictitious example.  (This is also a modified version of a story I know a little about).

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Jeanine and Ralph have been married for 34 years.  It was Jeanine’s first marriage and Ralph’s second (he was married 8 years and then divorced without children).  They had two daughters.  The one daughter is a teacher and married five years, but without children; the second daughter is unmarried (and seems happy that way).  

Jeanine is retiring as a teacher/principal of an elementary school. She has absolutely no idea about the couple’s money.  Her check gets directly deposited into a joint account.  She has checks she can write on the account, but Ralph ‘needs’ to approve anything over $500.  She suspects the account is fairly robust and both Jeanine and Ralph had steady jobs. Her contract as a teacher was about $80,000 a year, and she has no idea how much Ralph gets as a CPA for a small regional accounting firm in Northeast Nebraska.  Ralph as a CPA does the tax returns and files electronically without Jeanine’s signature and knowledge.  

About two years into the marriage (when she was pregnant with their first child), she asked about their income and expenses with some guidance on how much to spend on fixing up a baby's room.  Ralph got mad at her after saying “He would take care of the expenses - and don’t ever ask again”.    Over the years, there have been other small skirmishes over finances and Ralph gets mad and yells at Jeanine and tells her that he has it under control.  

She doesn’t think he gambles with their money but knows little about it.  He owns a house in Omaha for his first marriage that he rents out.  And, he has a vacation cottage on Lindsay Lake near Brainerd Minnesota. She is pretty sure their house in Norfolk Nebraska is paid for, but even that, she doesn’t know for sure. And, since he owned both of the other properties before marriage, she has learned not to ask.

Jeanine is close to both her daughters.  Emily is a special education teacher in Mason City Iowa - about five hours away.  Her husband is the county treasurer.  The other daughter, Nicole, is in Grand Island NE about two hours away.  Nicole is a clerk in the City of Grand Island’s business office.  Jeanine thinks Nicole is okay financially.  She has a one-bedroom apartment and has few needs.  

Ralph doesn’t seem to gamble, he doesn’t take big trips away, other than two weeks in the summer to the cottage on Lindsay Lake.   Jeanine went with him once, but it was a small cottage and all Ralph did was go out in a canoe and paddle around the lake.  (It was pretty boring for her).

They have little social life together.  Jeanine goes out with her friends for birthdays and lunch or dinner a few times each month.  She has asked Ralph if she could pay for dinner sometime - and he grunted: “if it isn’t too much”.  Ralph doesn’t seem to have many friends - and basically only clients for acquaintances.  Jeanine sometimes (rarely) goes to church and Ralph never does.  

Ralph spends an hour-and-one-half at Anytime Fitness every day after his work.  He does have a little ‘beer belly’ - but his arms and muscles are strong and toned.  Jeanine rarely gets exercise.  During the school year, she keeps busy with her work.  She does knit in the evenings while she watches television.  Ralph comes home from exercising, takes a shower, and then has his dinner.  And, it has been that way for most of their 34 years together!!

[And, you might think this is really fake, but it is pretty close to the scene as I understand it!!]

For retirement, Jeanine would like a second house near to Emily in Mason City.  She has thought of a cabin house on Clear Lake (just west of Mason City).  She has looked (without Ralph, but with Emily).  Under their marriage has always been a rumble of a divorce - but it seems just that as they enter retirement.

There doesn’t seem to be any desire to travel much.  Maybe a trip to Disney (Jeanine has never been - and she doesn’t know if Ralph has been), or to Hawaii.  She has the worry in the back of her head that this might be expensive and Ralph wouldn’t like that.  

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Ralph and Jeanine have made an appointment to visit with me at a “Retirement Life Coach”.  I spend about 20 minutes alone with each one of them, and the final session is for both of them together.

Jeanine talks more in her session.  She is physically and mentally tired of teaching and of being an administrator.  Her retirement plans are to not work - maybe get the second house near Emily - maybe travel - but probably not very far or for very long.

In his session, Ralph also talks that he is ready to retire.  I try to get him to be definite on any retirement plans.  I learned he doesn’t fish, he doesn’t golf, he doesn’t do woodworking (normally, although he has done some repairs on the properties he owns).  He wants to keep going to the gym every day.  I try to get more on the financial side and he doesn’t want to share with me. He might want a newer car, maybe sometimes that has some self-driving features.

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So, as they come back together, what might you try to get this couple to discuss.  Some doors just seem closed.

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I haven’t sensed much that is in common with this couple.  I might want to see if Jeanine would like to exercise like Ralph.  I sense that he might not like her coming into his space.  Jeanine might want to try going to Lindsay Lake again - and learning to kayak.  

It might be that they could flip houses as a retirement adventure.  It seems like Ralph has two properties and maybe Jeanine can help with the decorating when they flip a house.  It might appeal to him as it seems like he likes money and income.  

There doesn’t seem to be much interest in traveling.  I might try to throw out travel ideas - like the Rhine River Cruise or any cruise.  My guess is that Ralph will think it is too expensive.  Maybe taking the Delta Queen paddleboat on the Mississippi River for a few days, or catching Amtrak in Omaha and going to Colorado for a week (or to California).  

I sense this is a marriage where retirement is going nowhere.  Jeanine might be back working at a retail store in the mall and Ralph may set up a home office to do income taxes.  It will take some more digging on my part to find what might work for this couple.  And, while divorce could be an option, in some respects they are also separated but just living together out of some type of convenience.  This will be a tough Retirement Life Coaching session!!!

What do you think?

Hugs!!

Karen