MENTAL WELL BEING - Part IV
Last Saturday was World Mental Health Day. Keeping our mental health - AND - our physical health are both important.
On Monday, we did a general look at Mental Health. Tuesday we looked at EMOTIONAL well being; Wednesday we looked at PSYCHOLOGICAL well being - and today - SOCIAL well being.
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SOCIAL WELLBEING
And five factors for social well-being
-1 Openness
-2 Extroversion
-3 Conscientiousness
-4 Agreeableness
-5 Neuroticism
-1 Openness
Are you open - to new ideas, new situations, new friends, new things? How is your Comfort Zone? If you want to be mentally healthy, you need to increase your comfort zone - expand your horizons - and be open to things!!
-2 Extroversion
Are you outgoing? Adventurous? Friendly? Active?
If so, you should be socially well!!! I have a friend who said she was shy until she was in her thirties. I don’t know what happened, but she is now a very active and outgoing person.
-3 Conscientiousness
Do you complete things? Can you be counted on to get things done? If you say, “Yes, I can do that”, and you do finish - on time, within budget - with a quality job - that is important in being socially well adapted. My friend (AP) from item #2 above is sought after as a substitute teacher, volunteers for different groups and events, and can be counted on for a great job.
-4 Agreeable
Let’s face it - who wants to work with a grouch? To be socially well, you need to be able to do some of the common social norms. Do you smile a lot? Do you laugh out loud? Do you get along with several kinds of people? It is important to get along!!!
-5 Neuroticism
I’m not sure I have a good understanding of why neuroticism is on this list!!!
A dictionary defined neuroticism as, “Neuroticism, one of the Big 5 personality traits, is typically defined as a tendency toward anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and other negative feelings.
I’m not sure that a person who has a tendency towards anxiety and depression is socially well adjusted. Maybe the scholars on this really mean that non-neuroticism (low anxiety, low depression, and low self-doubt) are really the factors.
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So, four days on Mental Health.
If you will allow me, let me tell my story.
I was teaching a statistics course - and after three years of not teaching, it was a lot of work. I also had been on depression medication, but (with permission of my primary care physician) we stopped using that.
And, now I will throw in a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt “No one can make you inferior without your consent”. I was at a women’s soccer game (two of my students were on the team). It was hot, and I had shorts on - but I hadn’t shaved my legs. I was sitting with a couple of women (who didn’t know before the game) who also had daughters on the team. I looked at my legs - and decided they were hairy and needed to be shaved. I allowed myself to doubt my female self with self-doubt. I was a phony, I wasn’t a woman, I was a lousy pretended who couldn’t even shave her legs.
The weekend before had been a disaster with a trip to my undergraduate university for an alumni lunch. I had opted to go as my former self - and all weekend long I was kicking myself for yielding to the old self. I shouldn’t have gone.
My wife had filed for divorce and wanted 70% of the estate (plus the house) and I didn’t think that was fair. A few friends had said, “Don’t let her take you to the cleaners”. (I have no idea what getting my clothes cleaned had to settle a divorce!!). And, I texted her a note that started “If I’m not here tomorrow, my will is in my desk drawer”.
I can’t say for sure that I was truly considering suicide, but I think I was trying to get her to be nicer to me (alas - I really was having a wonderful “pity party”!!) But, to be honest, there had been about three very serious times when I did consider suicide. I had been on a very busy city street that had a fairly high-speed limit for a city street (45 mpg I think), and as the cars whizzed by, I was thinking - “All, I have to do is pick the right time and run out in front of a truck”. I had a similar thought about jumping off a nearby Interstate Highway bridge as an 18 wheeler came rumbling by.
Shortly after I sent the text, two policemen showed up at my door and escorted me to the Mental Health facility. I spent four days there, had a counselor, and finally opted to cooperate. I lost my teaching job, but I regained a healthy positive mental attitude. I worked on “love wins” and my philosophy of life. “You can only love God as much as the person you love the least”; “What does God expect of you, but to Love Justice, Show Mercy, and Walk Humbly with your God”.
And, I found that I did have value. Yes, I haven’t seen my grandchildren in two years; yes, my family is shunning me; and yes, I DID HAVE VALUE and a mission in life!!!
The expression “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” seems true. I made the world’s best “lemonade” from my experiences. I have found (again), the first love of my life!! (My faith). LOVE WINS!!
Hugs!!
Karen
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