MONDAY, JULY 19, 2021 -RECONCILIATION CONTINUED

 MONDAY, JULY 19, 2021 -RECONCILIATION CONTINUED

REFUSAL TO FORGIVE

“I can’t make up with my daughter.  She has hurt me deeply.  I can possibly forgive her activities - I need to carry a grudge against her.  If she crawls on her knees and publicly admits that she hurt me, I “might” think about forgiving her, but I don’t think so!!!”

Yea - right on, make her pay.  She did something that is  beyond forgiveness.  Make her pay!!!

*****

“I can’t make up with the Arabs/Muslims.  They hate us!!  They want to destroy our country, they want to kill us, they rejoice in killing Christians and non-Muslims.  And, therefore, I am justified in being adamant against them.  Bomb the whole Middle East, it's only desert and oil anyway!!!”

*****

“There was extreme fraud in the 2020 election.  Evil defeated Good - that is, the process of re-electing Donald Trump.  Trump is a Christian - protecting our country, and our values from the evils of homosexuality, the evils of immigrant, the evils of non-Christian believers.  Therefore we have the mandate to overturn the election.  We have the mandate to rise up and restore God’s place in our Great Country!!!  We can not compromise with the evil and illegitimate government.in Washington D.C.”

*****

There are too many other examples I could have used.  Basically the concept is - “I can’t possibly forgive them - they have done the ‘unforgivable’.  

Is anything really unforgivable?  I’ve been listening to “Unconditional” by Brian Zahnd and he mentions things like Pope John Paul II forgiving Mehmet Ali Agca for trying to kill him.  Likewise, the Amish of Nickel Mines School in Pennsylvania forgiving Charles Roberts for killing six female students and injuring others.  

Last week I retold the story of the Prodigal Son where the father took the son back in after the son wasted his time and money.  

So, the question “Is anything really unforgivable?” 

Psychology Today had a blog post that talks about this:

“I know a person who has forgiven the murderer of her child. She visited him in prison and offered the olive branch of forgiveness for his sake.

I know a person who has forgiven the Nazis who almost killed her with inhumane medical experiments and actually did kill her sister.

I know of a person who was shot in the face by a robber. Now they visit prisons together to share their story of forgiving and being forgiven.

I know of a person in a wheelchair for life who has forgiven her assailants and also visits prisons. She does this to let those, who are locked up for similar crimes, know that there is hope for them. This is done as an outreach of love for those who have not loved.”

The article goes on with this:

“There is something in some people that is so very powerful that it overcomes the darkest of evil. That "something" is an unconditional love that grows in them. They often, but not always, attribute this growth in love to a personal relationship with God. Sometimes this offer of unconditional love toward those who act savagely upsets close associates and family members, who do not understand and are not ready to hear the word "forgiveness."

*****

As I coach and counsel about reconciliation, I take the view that ANYTHING is FORGIVABLE.  The child who shot his father, and injured his mother can be forgiven by his mother.  The daughter who had hurt her mother - can be forgiven by her mother.  (My family who has not spoken with me in three years - can be forgiven).

My belief system is that forgiveness is divine.  God (to me) offers unconditional love; unconditional grace.  There is (to me) no part of God that says “I will forgive you - IF you do <such and such>”  As a human being, I can’t quite reach true unconditional love - that is beyond me, but I can work towards such love.  

As I work with people who want reconciliation with family members, the first aim is to get the person to forgive the family members.  If they say “No, I can’t forgive”, then I say “I’m sorry, I can’t work with you” (and if they paid me anything for my services - refund their payment).  

Alexander Pope, English author wrote “To Err is Human, to Forgive is Divine”. 

How about you?  What if a drug addict breaks into your house and shoots (injures) you to get whatever little money they find - and leaves you in a wheelchair, can you forgive them?  What about a cheating spouse?  Can you forgive them?  What about a person who steals money from a church collection?  Or embezzles money from their work?  

There still may need to be retribution (all actions have consequences) such as embezzlement, but you can forgive.  

LOVE WINS!!!  

As I age, and know that sometime (hopefully not all that soon), I will die, my focus is more on forgiveness.  (Okay, can I forgive my cable company who jumped by bill by 33% last month?  Sure I can forgive that action, but I will call get investigate!!!)

LOVE WINS!!!

Karen