THURSDAY JULY 15, 2021 RELATIONSHIPS #4

 THURSDAY JULY 15, 2021  RELATIONSHIPS #4

This week I’ve been writing about relationships.  These can be very difficult.  

A distant relative of ours (I’m not quite sure of the relationship), had one son but had a nice estate..  The man didn’t like the son’s wife as the story goes.  He schemed with his son and his will so the wife would not get any of the money (that was significant).  

Another friend (former student) came from a wealthy family.  He married (underneath his station as judgment goes), and eventually a very nasty divorce ensued, where the ex-wife wanted a lot of money from the family (and of course, the husband).  It ended up in the courts.  (They did have a prenuptial agreement though!!)

Money can sour relationships.  

My father came from a large family (I think ten children).  During the depression, the family moved into Cedar Rapids. Iowa from the farm (my grandfather had died).  The four eldest children found jobs and supported their mother and the six younger children, including buying a house for the family.  A new man came into my grandmother’s life and the four eldest children (working hard), suspected the new man was a con artist - find a widow who has a house and/or money, and woo her - and eventually can get in on the money.  

This situation split my father’s family - and in growing up, I knew Uncle Howard, Uncle Leo, Aunt Geri, and my dad, (the four oldest),, but my grandmother and the six younger children moved to the Seattle area.  A family divided by money - estrangement.

Money can make family situations difficult.  Another friend has five siblings.  One of whom (a male) has been very successful and the others hound him for financial help.  Can’t Uncle Bob help pay for little Cynthia’s college degree?  Can’t Uncle Bob help pay for cousin Tim’s surgery?  It just isn’t fair for Uncle Bob to be so well off, while some of his family are poor.  That sounds like estrangement is on the way.  What is fair?  

Using an interpreted Bible version (The Message) from Romans 13:10-12 we have this: “Don’t run up debts, except for the huge debt of love you owe each other. When you love others, you complete what the law has been after all along. The law code—finally adds up to this: Love other people as well as you do yourself. You can’t go wrong when you love others. When you add up everything in the law code, the sum total is love.”

While Americans (myself included), want to leave their wealth to their family when they die.  I want to help fund college money from my five grandchildren.  Is that fair?  What if one of the grandchildren wants to go to an expensive private school and another wants to go to a local community college and stay at home?   

But, money can divide a family quickly.  Inheritance brings out hidden agendas.  

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.”  Job 1:21.

And from Matthew 6:19-21

““Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

*****

If the money involved is more important than the relationship, then reconciliation probably would happen. 

‘*****

Trust can be eroded and a relationship broken.  To make relationships work, both sides have to trust the other.  In a marriage, the advice is that the couples need to fall in love over and over and over again.  (My parents were married 69 years).  

Affairs wreck marriages and relationships, finance problems can sink relationships.  

Let me make a poor analogy.  The sidewalk was poured, but as it settled, a crack opened.  Over the years dirt caught in the crack.  Then a storm blew some seeds into the crack and the roots went into the dirt and pressed the crack farther open.  More seeds blew in and the crack got bigger and spread farther.  

A relationship can start out looking quite nice.  But a crack opened.  Maybe in jest one person said something about the other person.  It was just a joke.  But, it stayed in the crack and the relationship wasn’t as strong as it once was.  The second person thought joking was okay, and in jest said something against the first person - just as a joke.  It was innocent, but it really wasn’t so innocent.  Trust had been tampered with, it wasn’t as strong.  

Unless some action is taken, the relationships will change.  

The other day I wrote of two sisters who were competitors against each other and haven’t talked with each other for years.  There are three outcomes:  they stay separated and estranged; or one breaks down and pleads with her sister to make up. Of that scenario they can make up - or they can stay separated - and carry a grudge against the other.  

For a grandparent who is estranged from his or her children and grandchildren, the best course is to ask for forgiveness (even if they think they didn’t do anything that needed forgiving).  Humans can’t quite give unconditional love, but they can try.  A grandmother who has built a barrier against a grandchild must break down the wall.  

Love Wins!!!

But, love must be an active choice!!!

Karen