TUESDAY, JULY 13, 2021 - RELATIONSHIPS - CONTINUED

 TUESDAY, JULY 13, 2021 - RELATIONSHIPS - CONTINUED

Yesterday, I started a series on relationships - and especially on broken relationships.  From my (very) informal viewpoint, it seems like most people have somebody where the relationship is broken.

Now, friendships do get broken.  For example, my sister and brother-in-law just moved to the Phoenix Arizona area.  There many friends (from 30 years in Grand Rapids Michigan) will miss them.  My sister (who is so much more gregarious than I am) will email and call and keep in touch with some of her old friends - but eventually, out-of-sight, out-of-mind.  And, they will be making new friends in Phoenix!!  

But these are friendships - not the deep, meaningful relationships.  Those deep relationships, when broken, can cause heartache and angst.  And, when the relationships are within a family group, the breaks can be almost devastating.  

Sometimes the barriers are deep.  

I know a friend who did not allow his family to attend the wedding of a cousin because it was held outside of a Catholic Church.  (As if, one’s faith could be eroded by stepping inside another church, or going to a wedding in a park).  

Religion can be a hard task master for some.  One friend’s niece is leaving Christianity and becoming Jewish (her husband is Jewish).  What if a cousin was having a wedding for her daughter in a Muslim mosque - could you go?  Would you figuratively ‘slap’ your cousin if you don’t show up?  Would you be implying “I can’t be related to you anymore if you are Muslim?”

Likewise, I know Republicans who might smile at a Democrat (and, of course, the other way around as well), but wouldn’t go to coffee with a brother or sister of a different political bent? 

Divorce can also be hard on family relationships.  Another friend is very close to her ex-brother-in-law after this ex-brother-in-law was divorced from this friend’s sister.  She doesn’t seem to worry if that friendship/relationship will offend her sister.

Communications must remain open.

Last year, in this blog I was quoting a source talking about the political environment.  The friend took it as offensive to her political viewpoints.  (I think we are almost back to a normal communication environment now).  

It seems as though relationships have been pushed to the edge during the pandemic.  Families didn’t gather for weddings or funerals.  Even close families curtained their activities.  One of my friends stayed on her front porch when her children and grandchildren pulled into her driveway to visit her.  “No more going to Grandma’s house for cookies and milk because we might be bringing COVID with us. And, Grandma is a little frail”.  

*****

But, I want to look at the deeper break-ups between close friends and between family members.  Can these relationships be healed?  

Moving a little farther, let’s create a scenario.  Grandma is a conservative Christian, she voted for Donald Trump in the 2020 election.  Granddaughter Morgan is quite a bit different than Grandma.  Morgan is a lesbian and lives with her partner.  They are in the process of adopting a little girl.  Morgan is an art studio in her own right as her body has many tattoos and piercings.  And, Morgan no longer goes to any church, might say she is agnostic or atheist. Morgan likes to party and has been arrested for marijuana possession in the past (which was dropped).  

Grandma doesn’t approve of Morgan’s lifestyle and has written out of her will.  Morgan would like to get to know her Grandmother more, but isn’t allowed to visit - and communication is difficult.  

Being very simplistic, I say “yes, this relationship can be mended”.  Of course, I am thinking that LOVE WINS.  But while Morgan wants to visit and know Grandma, Grandma doesn’t want to give in to the ‘evils of this world’.

Morgan can only change herself.  Her email notes to Grandma get deleted.  Physical mail cards are purfunkerly torn up and thrown in the trash.  If Morgan calls Grandma, Grandma will hang up.  (Does that sound familiar to anybody)?  

*****

The only person I can change is myself (or in this case, Morgan can only change herself).  Morgan can take a long term attitude of “We will reconcile some day”.  

Morgan thinks that if and when Grandma goes for health care (even just a knee replacement, or minor operation) that will keep Grandma in the hospital, she WILL visit.  The hospital should let her in as a relative, and although Grandma might object they will be in the same room at the same time.  And, Morgan believes that if they can be in the same room at the same time (maybe a time when Grandma is a little more receptive to love), they can reconcile!!

1 John 2:9-11

“Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.”

And 1 John 3:18 

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

Don’t fight hatred with hatred, but with love.

LOVE WINS!!!

Karen