TUESDAY, JULY 20, 2021 - RECONCILIATION CONTINUED

 TUESDAY, JULY 20, 2021 - RECONCILIATION CONTINUED 

I’ve been on a serious tangent the past two weeks.  First, reconciliation.  As I met more people, it seems like most people have somebody in their lives that they are estranged from.  A few years back, I was estranged from a cousin - Mark.  Mark was gay - Mark was a homosexual man.  

My mother’s family was two girls and two boys (my mother (Helen), my aunt (Leah), and my uncles Earl and George - all born in the first twenty years of the twentieth century (1912-1922).  Of these, only my uncle George did not have children (his first marriage ended in divorce, and his second wife had two children - so he did have two step children).  My uncle Earl had two children - Pam and Mark; and my aunt Leah had three children - Craig, Steve and Nancy, and my mother had two children - Beth and myself.  

This was a very close family.  They got together at least once a summer (frequently for the big family reunion).  I visited my Aunt Leah and family - generally for a week each summer in their small town in eastern Iowa. I loved going to the Jackson County Fair.  My Uncle Nolan had been an ag teacher, and then co-owner of an agriculture service company. 

Earl and Jeanne lived farther away in a suburb of Chicago.  We made a trip to them at least once a year - summer or Christmas.  I remember going with Uncle Earl, my Dad, my cousin Mark and myself to a Chicago White Sox game in 1959 when the White Sox won the American League pennant.  

By high school time, Mark had become a little different.  He wore the same blue jeans to school every day.  (Or so he confided to me).  My aunt Jeanne was meticulous and laundered those jeans every night (or so I was told).  He also (gasp) smoked marijuana.  Mark became the black sheep of the Youtzy family.  He was a gifted musician and actor and went to college at the University of North Texas - which was noted for being an outstanding music school.  

I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point, Mark was identified as gay.  The other cousins kept in close contact and with the funerals of Helen, Leah, Earl, and George got together as well as weddings - my sister’s girls in particular.  Mark didn’t come to those events other than his father’s funeral, where he was the master of ceremonies.

Mark was estranged from the family.  He was (gasp) gay.  When Facebook became a popular medium, Mark and I were friends (as was my sister).  We shared jokes and stories and posts, but didn’t physically see or interact.  

Mark lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico and was active in the Masonic Lodge and local theater.  Mark died in early 2017 after I retired.  My sister and brother-in-law flew into Austin, and we had a road trip to Albuquerque for the funeral.  He had been outside of the family - ostracized, estranged.  We met some of his friends and in particular a female friend that had helped care for Mark in his last days.  She talked of his wonderful acting, and theater work.  She glowed as she talked of her friend.  It didn’t seem to be the same person we had written off because he was gay.  

Maybe it was like the Grinch whose heart grew three sizes on that Christmas morning, but I understood more and my heart grew as we attended his funeral.  A fellow human being - and a relative - that I had discarded because of his lifestyle had died - and I hadn’t cared enough to know him better.  I think I would have liked (loved) Mark the community theater actor, Mark, the community person, Mark the human being. 

I was already on my journey by that point.  That was one of my stops in learning to love, and that love wins.

I had slapped a label on Mark’s forehead “Gay”, that label make Mark a member of the “untouchable caste” (using the Indian system).  He had become “non-human”.  

But, he wasn’t a non-human - he was real, he was flesh and blood, he loved people.  And, I had condemned him.  

I had partially reconciled with him to be a Facebook friend -- but it wasn’t a genuine or full reconciliation.  I was wrong (again).  Who was I to judge?  Who was I to condemn him?  I didn’t understand.  I’m not saying that I understand all that much even yet, but God is working on me to (yes) let love win.

I find myself not liking labels.  Humans love labels - political - Republican/Democrat; religious - Christian (and even then more labels - Evangelical, liberal, Catholic, Baptist), and non-Christian.  Then other labels - educated, college graduate, white collar/blue collar. And, the labels of black/white/Hispanic.  Humans categorize people by slapping labels on them (figuratively - I don’t want to go through life literally slapping the gummed back labels “Hello my name is” actually on anybody's forehead!!) 

I want to use one label - “HUMAN”.  I may not agree with their actions and beliefs, but they are HUMANS - made in the image and likeness of God.  And, with that one label, they are loveable!! 

So, as I counsel and coach in reconciliation, I see a goal of getting rid of labels - and getting rid of the barriers that divide us - and especially of those barriers that divide family members.  Because cousin L is an ardent Republican/Trump supporter and cousin A is a liberal Democrat doesn’t matter - I LOVE THEM - and I hope (and pray) for them to reconcile.  

Psalm 139:23-24

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

AND, LOVE WINS!!!

HUGS!!

Karen