THURSDAY, JULY 29, 2021 SELF LOVE CONTINUED

 THURSDAY, JULY 29, 2021 SELF LOVE CONTINUED

Narcissistic personality disorder

I’ve been writing about self-love the last few days.  Basically it comes from the concept of “Love your neighbor as yourself”.  

Many people don’t always love themselves - they are fat, ugly, incompetent, hurting, and can find a lot of faults within themselves.  The professional suggestion is that we do need to love ourselves, forgive ourselves, and live happy and positive in the bodies that we have.  

But, today I want to go (always) the other way - to a narcissistic person - a person who so thoroughly (seemingly) LOVES THEMSELF!!

But, let’s look at Mayo Clinic’s description first:

“Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”

“A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they're not given the special favors or admiration they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships unfulfilling, and others may not enjoy being around them.”

The name comes from Narcissus: “Narcissus was a hunter in Greek mythology, son of the river god Cephissus and the nymph Liriope. He was a very beautiful young man, and many fell in love with him. However, he only showed them disdain and contempt.”  In reality, Narcissus only loved himself and could not love others.  (So, back to the theme of the week - love your neighbor as yourself - Narcissus could only love himself.

(Again from Mayo Clinic): Symptoms

Signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder and the severity of symptoms vary. People with the disorder can:

• Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance (aka “ego”)

• Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration

• Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it

• Exaggerate achievements and talents

• Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate

• Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people

• Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior

• Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations

• Take advantage of others to get what they want

• Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others

• Be envious of others and believe others envy them

• Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious

• Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office

At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can:

• Become impatient or angry when they don't receive special treatment

• Have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted

• React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior

• Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior

• Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change

• Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection

• Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation”

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WOW - egotistic in an extreme!!!

 

Self love - but so extreme they can’ really deal with others.  

I have known some Narcissists.  Their love of themselves is so overpowering that the world begins and ends in them!!  (okay, hyperbole)

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Self love should be an honest appreciation of yourself, an understanding of your strengths and your weaknesses.  Not allowing your brain to exaggerate your importance (ego).  Recognizing the ‘team’ in activities.  You bring something to the process, but all of your team mates (friends) also have value.  

 

I like the interpretation of TEAM - as “together everyone achieves more”.  The quarterback knows he wouldn’t be a star without a line that blocks for him, without receivers who can catch his passes, without running backs that hit the holes in the line.  And recognized that the defense (where he generally doesn’t play) really makes it possible for the team to win.  

 

And maybe as important to that star quarterback is the concept of being ‘teachable’ - having coaches that help him, having friends (teammates) that work together AS A TEAM.  

I have been blessed to be part of some great teams.  If I have self love - it is so I can love my neighbor as myself.  

Like most people, there have been days when I doubted myself, and also days when I thought I was invincible.  Some humility is needed to keep a good balance in life.

*****

So as we go ahead with life, do love and appreciate your friends (your “neighbors”).  As Micah 6:8 says “Love Justice, show mercy and walk humbly with your God”.

LOVE WINS!!

Karen